Tag Archives: coronavirus

Preparing for a New Norm

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A new day is dawning…but I have no idea what to expect…

It may sound shocking, but I went to the grocery store Friday evening for the first time since the new social distancing guidelines have been implemented. Because of our work/home school schedule, it has been more convenient for my husband to do our shopping, so I have not been to a store for well over a month. I have not been shopping since one way aisles, limited capacity, the widespread use of face masks, and check outs with Plexiglas barriers have begun.

The last time I was in the store, everything was normal, except for the fact that the store shelves were empty of eggs, milk, fruits, vegetables, toilet paper, and other essential items. Now the stores were full (besides the toilet paper aisle), but “Do not enter” signs were posted on rotating ends of the aisles.

Forgetting how much life has changed since I have been staying home, I began my shopping, only to begin noticing people giving me terrible looks. I realized that the two customers in my aisle were both going the same way…the opposite direction that I was going. I quickly apologized and corrected my direction, but the reality of how much life has changed in a few short months quickly began to set in.

Only two months ago, I was at work preparing for Spring Break, thankful that it was finally here. Life was going smoothly, but like any school employee, I desperately needed Spring Break.

So quickly after Spring Break began, though, life began to change. What was previously discussed on the news as a virus in China, began to spread to the United States. Social distancing, stay-home orders, and curfews quickly followed.

In the two months since Spring Break began, the neighbors on both sides of me moved away, and because of my husband’s flexible schedule, he had begun doing all of the shopping, so I hadn’t been in stores since the beginning of April. Because of these things, my social interaction has been zero and my contact with the outside world has been non-existent.

Where I live, most people keep to themselves and don’t talk to the strangers around them. However, being at the grocery store after reemerging from isolation, I experienced a different kind of distancing and unfriendliness. The general courtesies that occur, such as an occasional “excuse me” or a quick conversation with someone behind you in line, were replaced with distance and coldness. If there were smiles of kindness, they were hidden behind masks. All of the general pleasantries had vanished. It almost felt like being in a sterile, serious science lab. The cashier and bagger were decently friendly, but no one else looked at each other or smiled, and if someone moved in their direction, they moved to distance themselves appropriately.

After my grocery store experience, the reality set in that I don’t think we will return to “normal.” All signs seem to point to a new normal, and it’s hard to picture what life will look like when all of this is over. Will I be able to hug or shake hands with people? Will more of the pleasantries between passing strangers resume? Will one way aisles stay forever? And the question on every parent’s mind: will my kids get to return to school in the fall?

Once again, I come back to the fact that there are so many more questions than answers. I long for life to go back to “normal,” but also understand that it probably never will. Mentally, I am trying to prepare for a new normal, but I feel like I don’t even know how to prepare…because I don’t even know what to expect.

For now, I keep putting one foot in front of the other. As Pabbie the troll said in Frozen II, “When one can see no future, all one can do is the next right thing.” I have no idea what the future will look like, but what I do know is that the next two weeks I will spend finishing up my work and home school for the year. After that, I have “to-do” list to begin working on, and in the midst of that, I have activities that the kids have been asking to do: a crystal-growing science kit, a hurricane tube, new recipes to try, and rooms to rearrange and redecorate.

At this point, I have few guesses as to what life will look like after this, but I right now, I know that the next right thing is to help my own kids and my students finish the school year strong, and then to help my kids enjoy a low-key summer. I don’t know what the future holds, but that is okay; I don’t have to know. The future will slowly begin to unfold when it’s time. For now, this is my “next right thing;” what is yours?

Reopening: Cautiously Hopeful

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  • To them, the sky is the limit.

With the announcement this week that many places are beginning Phase 1 of reopening, there is a sense of relief that has begun to fill households. The kids are excitedly making plans of when we can visit our loved ones or take a trip, even just a day trip. They excitedly discuss all the possibilities. To them, the sky is the limit.

For adults, many are skeptical. Can I safely go to the places that are reopening? Will I risk getting infected or infecting my loved ones? When will it be safe to stop social distancing? When will the stores and restaurants I love resume “business as normal?” There continue to be more questions than answers.

In spite of it all, there is a level of excitement in the air, a sense of relief, that we can slowly begin resuming life as normal. I long for the day I can sit and enjoy our favorite family-friendly restaurant or plan a date night to somewhere other than our kitchen and living room. In addition, my “travel bug” is stirring again. I am pretty sure my heart flipped when talk of opening the National Parks began.

There is a sense that the weight of the last few months may finally be lifting. My head tells me it may not, that this may all be “too good to be true,” but my heart leaps for joy at the possibility of my favorite places reopening and the ability to return to normalcy. How reopening will truly unfold is anyone’s guess. However, for now, I choose to be cautiously hopeful–hoping that things will slowly return to normal, but aware that at any moment stay-at-home orders may once again be implemented.

Perhaps my biggest wish is that I can go to the store and find flour, toilet paper, and meat shelves full once again. As I embrace the relief and hopefulness I now feel, I recognize that it will take time for life to fully return to normal. I also know that we will never be the same.

This season of life has changed us. It has made us appreciate our families that we have been unable to see. It has made us appreciate things we previously took for granted, like toilet paper and full shelves at the store, or being able to engage in social activities, or shop at stores we love. We have seen how quickly the economy can change or how jobs we thought were secure can suddenly vanish.

Many of the challenges and lessons of this season have been difficult to embrace, and they may not be over yet. However, for now, I choose to be cautiously hopeful that we will slowly begin picking up the pieces of the life we knew, and slowly rebuild a better future.

The Death of Laughter

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A few days ago, I was once again going through the motions of the day: get up, have coffee with my husband before he leaves for work, get settled into working from home, and then help the kids with distance learning. The schedule seems to work well, but for some reason, it now feels like it is sucking the life out of me. I would compare it to Wesley on “The Princess Bride” when he is told, “I’ve just sucked one year of your life away.”

Distance learning is wearing on me. One of my children was assigned a major project that we worked on until almost 9:00 every night last week. In the midst of long hours of distance learning and the kids just not understanding their assignments, the thought hit me, “I miss laughing.”

The last few weeks have been long and difficult. The routine that seemed to work for our family, now felt mundane. Some teachers began lessening the distance-learning load, but others seemed to think the kids had finally gotten the hang of it so they began assigning more. I can’t help thinking that I would much rather be on vacation, or at the beach, or just walking aimlessly around a mall.

However, as I worked from home in the morning, helped with distance learning in the afternoon, made dinner, and then helped with a project all evening, I realized that as much as I tell people the importance of having fun, I haven’t been following my own advice.

There are so many cute ideas of activities for fun at home, like making an indoor fort or having a scavenger hunt. The problem is, that I only have one child who would enjoy these things. The other ones would probably secretly enjoy it, but as middle schoolers, anything Mom suggests seems to be a stupid, horrible, awful idea…so most of time, the energy it would take to try to convince the kids that it would be fun, just doesn’t seem worth it.

I still haven’t really figured out what middle schoolers enjoy. I am convinced that what they enjoy is aggrevating their parents, acting too cool for anything parents suggest, and finding friends who are just as annoying as them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my middle schoolers. Nothing gives me more joy then trying to act cool in an effort to annoy them. It gives me great satisfaction to hear them say, “Mom, just don’t.” I find their quirky way of trying to figure out how to transition from childhood into adulthood endearing.

However, when you are trying to find ways to make quarantine more enjoyable, the words, “Mom, just don’t” put a damper on efforts to lighten the mood. Small children are demanding, but entertaining them is so much easier. They would be ecstatic about a scavenger hunt or a creative play fort. I could tell them to make me “dinner” with their play food or to make something with play dough, and it would keep them entertained for hours. However, that is not where we are in life.

Instead, I have middle schoolers and a high schooler with challenging distance learning classes, and an elementary school student who seems to have more work than any of them. All of this has created an atmosphere where fun seems to have disappeared. Thus creating the present state of affairs, where laughter is a distant memory.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times when we laugh, but the joy and light-heartedness that we previously enjoyed seems to have vanished. In its place are long hours of distance learning, working home, and no social interaction.

They say they are lifting stay-at-home orders and curfews, but what does that even mean? Many people are still worried about spending time with others and most places of entertainment are still closed. I long to see my friends, to experience some type of normalcy, but it feels so unachievable, and last week the epiphany that laughter seems lost was a sad reminder that I need to find small ways to bring laughter back into our home. So…

For now, I think I am going to brainstorm and make a list of 20 ways to effectively annoy middle schoolers.

Balance in the Midst of Uncertainty

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As we stay home, trying to figure out what our new lives look like, even with all of our fears and uncertainty, there is a sense of having more time than we typically do.

This feeling is almost liberating–finally having time to do all of the things that we never have time to do.

However, in my overzealous place of finally being able to have time to do these things, I have once again found myself over-committing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not over-committing to obligations others have for me.

This is a unique type of over-committing: over-committing to things I love.

In my excitement of finally having time to do activities that I love, I am pushing myself harder than I have in years. I have found myself setting out after dinner on a six mile run to train for the half marathon I have always wanted to run and creating trellises for my backyard garden at 10:00 at night. Because these are all things I love and that I want to do, I don’t realize how late it’s getting or how exhausted I truly am.

The word balance needs to come back into focus. With transition and change, balance sometimes gets lost in the shuffle.

The last several weeks, that has definitely happened for me. Three weeks ago, before distance learning started, I began remembering all of the activities I love that I have stopped doing because of having young children. Once distance learning started, I was working, helping the kids with school work, and still trying to do all of those things, because they were bringing me so much joy.

However, too much of a good thing…is still too much…

I am exhausted and didn’t realize how exhausted because I was having so much fun. The pace that I was headed was not sustainable, and I realized I would send myself to a place of burnout if I didn’t slow down. Now I am having to regroup. Today, my body needs rest from running. My blog post may be shorter than usual, and I may veg out to a brainless movie later.

No matter what the season, balance is essential. Yes, balance sometimes gets out of sync during transitions, but we must be intentional about fighting for balance in our lives.

Balance is what helps prevent burnout–making sure we fulfill our (work) obligations, spending time with family, taking time for faith-based activities such as prayer and Bible reading, and making time for activities we love. Balance requires that we don’t allow one of these things to overtake our lives, even if it is an activity that we love.

This is an amazing chance for us to slow our lives down, to regroup and refocus on what is really important, but in the process, we need to find balance. If I am spending all of my time on one area, even if that area is doing things I love, I have not found balance, and I run the risk of burning myself out or hurting important relationships.

I encourage you to make a list–not a “to do list,” but instead, a list of all of the general categories that are important. For me, right now, that list would consist of work, distance learning, faith, family, hobbies, housework, and relaxing.

Once I know the categories that are important, I can consciously make an effort to ensure that I am spending time in each category, but not too much time in any one category.

These categories may change at various times in life, and we may need to spend more time in one particular category than others at different seasons of life, but the goal in finding balance is to make a conscious and intentional effort to spend (what you determine to be) an appropriate amount of time in each category that you designate as important.

The key to balance, is intentionality!

This week I lost sight of that. Now that the dust has begun to settle from juggling working from home and distance learning, I am hoping that I can find an appropriate balance to life in general. My hope for you is that you will do the same!!!

Navigating Life’s Seasons

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This current season of life is indescribable, unlike any season we have ever experienced. It is filled with uncertainty and more questions than answers. When this season started, it definitely blindsided many of us.

For me, I spent the first week home flipping out, wondering what I was going to do with all of my free time. As a mom of four, free time feels foreign, so the rare moments when I do get free time, I really don’t know what to do with myself. By the time I got over the panic of free time, it was my second week off and I had to start working from home. Working remotely definitely felt like my dream life. I was home, making a full-time salary, but still finding time to do things I loved and the kids were getting along great.

Then the third week happened. Our toilet paper supply was running low, so I made numerous (unsuccessful) trips to find toilet paper, along with worrying that we may not be able to find any by the time we run out. The kids started arguing, and in addition, distance learning started. I couldn’t find a schedule that seemed to work. Initially, I was doing my work first and then letting the kids start their distance learning once I was done working. That worked well, except that the kids weren’t getting done with their school work until seven or eight at night. Then I tried letting the kids start school in the morning, while I was working. The problem is that with four kids, someone always needs help, so then my work got neglected, and I found myself having to finish my work at 11:00 at night.

As I prepare to start my fourth week home, I can’t say I have found a good schedule yet. Actually, I would describe last week as a “chaotic disaster.” My daughters’ school work was taking them about six or seven hours a day to complete because of the amount of work that was being assigned, and my four kids constantly needed help on different subjects. It was enough to make me feel like I was losing my mind!

Honestly, my frustration levels were through the roof, and I really thought about e-mailing my kids principals to tell them we decided distance learning was ridiculous and I was no longer willing to do it, but then the weekend came and I had survived.

The life I viewed so fondly the week before had come crashing down, until the weekend came and I was able to regroup. Upon reflection, I remembered the saying my mentor used to tell me…life is mixture. Yes, there are seasons of life that are harder and seasons of life that are better than others , but most of life is a mixture of good and bad. Even though I felt like I was about to lose my mind, I was still finding time to run every day, which was something I stopped doing when the kids were little. I was also finding time to garden, to connect with friends via phone, and to spend fun/down time with my kids.

I can’t decide what to think during this season. One minute I love it and then the next minute I hate it. I am watching friends and neighbors lose jobs, hours being cut, and empty toilet paper shelves, but on the other hand, I have started running and gardening and organizing and blogging again. I have even signed up for a half marathon, which has been a goal of mine for years. I finally have time and energy to do some of these things.

One thing I know about seasons, though, is that they change. For some people, I know this is going to be an extremely difficult season. I still don’t know what type of season it will be for us. In some ways I am happy for this season and the opportunity to slow down a little and find myself again. In other ways, I am dreading this season. Distance learning seems like it will be the bane of my existence. The loss of overtime hours at work means that I have to postpone my home build even longer. In spite of all of this, I believe that things happen for a reason and I know that no season lasts forever. This season may be more difficult than some, but I need to remember to embrace the mixture, not denying the negative, but also not overlooking the positive. Many times I forget to see the positive. It’s so easy to get caught up in the stress of the moment and miss the special little moments along the way.

My challenge for myself, and my challenge for you, is to recognize and embrace those special moments. Seasons change. We will not have the chance to work remotely forever. The kids grow up quicker than we realize. Find special moments throughout the day, with your family and by yourself. Pick up the hobbies that you stopped because life got busy. Bake or play a game or do a puzzle with the kids. Whatever it looks like for you, find a way to make this season special and memorable, because this is a unique season. For me, I think it may be time to start keeping my gratitude journal again, as a way to focus on the positive aspects of life. For you, it may look different, but one thing is sure: whatever it looks like, I know that this will be a season that we will not soon forget!

Embracing My Unwanted Staycation

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I didn’t see this coming. Everything was going along as expected, and I have to say this blindsided me. I didn’t want this. In fact, I spent my third day home almost in tears, wondering how I was going to survive two weeks with nothing to do.

Transition. That has described my life the past 6 years. Normally I would organize, clean, or rearrange with my extra free time. However, if everything goes as planned, we are moving again this year, so what’s the point in making my current space cute and more organized?

Memories. Memories of being a stay-at-home mom. I really wanted to be a good stay-at-home mom when my kids were younger, and it’s not that I was a bad one. We did weekly trips to the local zoo, the library, and local parks. We had family game night, family movie night, read stories together, and snuggled frequently. But in the midst of it, I can’t say I really enjoyed it. I had a Master’s Degree, and I wasn’t using it. Although I tried to do little things on the side to make money, it wasn’t really enough to help our budget. While we somewhat struggled financially, I was home all day because the cost of putting four small children in daycare did not make it worthwhile for me to work outside the home. My entire identity became changing diapers, washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning, and entertaining the kids. I was professionally unfulfilled and felt mostly useless. In addition, I was extremely lonely: home everyday by myself with very little adult interaction. Some mom’s say they were made to be stay-at-home moms, and I really wanted that to be me, but it just wasn’t.

Home. Now I was home for two weeks. After almost crying and basically feeling sorry for myself for about a day, I began to get excited about all of the possibilities! I was told by my employer that I could work from home, and that as long as I got my work done and put in a minimum amount of time, I wasn’t expected to work eight hours each day.

Possibilities. My brain now began to swirl with the possibilities. I had basically given up on my blog because of time constraints. Having a full-time job and four kids who are in sports and after-school activities, and several who struggle in school and need extra help with homework, absorb most of my time. I now had time to work and make my full-time income, while also having time to begin blogging again, and time to help my kids with virtual classes, to allow them to get ahead in areas with which they struggle.

Reflection. I realized it wasn’t being a stay-at-home mom that I disliked because it gave me so many sweet memories and moments with my kids. Instead, it was feeling like I wasn’t contributing to my family. If I could find a way to make a full-time income from home, and still have time to do some of the things I love, it would be a dream come true…as long as I could find some opportunities for social interaction!

Embracing my forced staycation. No, I didn’t want to be home, and what started as two weeks, has now because four at the minimum. No, I can’t even go to any of the local tourist spots. Yes, it’s eerie to go to the stores and see some of the shelves completely empty, and I’ve wondered if we may have to start using leaves as toilet paper. Yes, my kids are going stir-crazy from having to stay inside. However, for me, coronavirus has been an amazing chance to self-reflect on good memories, to better understand some of my past experiences, and to look forward to the future. No, I’m not excited that COVID-19 is affecting the health of people around the world. Nor am I happy that it destroyed my Spring Break travel plans. But I feel that life has now handed us what many of us silently asked for: a chance for life to slow down, time to do projects on our to-do lists, and time for us to explore possibilities for which we previously couldn’t find the time. For me that’s blogging. What is it for you?

As the saying goes…When life hands you lemons, make lemonade!

Hunkering down in the midst of life’s storms

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Like many Americans, our Spring Break travel plans got cancelled this year because of the coronavirus. Yes, I was extremely disappointed, and my emotions have been all over the place, not knowing what to think in the midst of this. However, the lack of being able to engage in public and social activities has forced me to reflect on a few things to help me get through these uncertain times.

1. Breathe

All of the uncertainty of this season is spiking anxiety and fear in many people: fear of contracting the virus, anxiety over employment and investment uncertainty. However, anxiety triggers a “fight or flight” response in our bodies and is very unproductive in times life these.

In the midst of the stress of COVID-19, remember to breathe. Not shallow chest breathing, but deep belly breaths. With my students, I call this “balloon belly breathing.” I encourage them to do the following: Place your hand on your stomach and feel it fill up with air like a balloon, and then let that air out and feel your stomach “deflate.” It is amazing what deep breathing can do for our bodies!

This and other positive coping skills can help us survive the current uncertainty we are experiencing.

2. Engage in an enjoyable hobby or pastime

One of the best ways to survive a difficult season is having a fun hobby or pastime. In the counseling world, these are often referred to as “distraction techniques.” Always wanted to create a blog? Why not start now? Always wanted to start a garden? Now is a great time to start!

Find the book you’ve wanted to read, start exercising again, listen to some good music, go on a walk at sunset. These things don’t necessarily help us cope with the stress we are experiencing, but they occupy our minds so that we don’t dwell on what we currently cannot control. Stress and anxiety are horrible feelings. We can stay in that place of fear, or we can actively try to get ourselves to a place where life doesn’t feel so bleak and hopeless.

3. Rely on faith to find hope

Many American families historically attended church and believed in God to get them through difficult times. However, over the years, many people have stopped believing or actively practicing their faith for various reasons. For some, it is because God felt distant, almost like a fairy tale. For others, it was been because of hypocrisy in the church. Yet others stopped because of busy schedules.

Whatever the reasons for departure from faith, during difficult times, when life feels out of our control, going back to the foundations of faith can be beneficial and encouraging. Praying out loud is a great way to process your thoughts, but can also instill hope within you, as you release your fears and worries to God. The idea that a Higher Power, hears us, is with us when things feel out of control, and cares, can induce hope even in the most difficult times.

4. The power of thoughts

Sometimes I find that I send myself to a negative place with my thoughts. I focus on the stupid thing I said to someone or something I wish I had done differently. In many ways, I am my own worse enemy.

During difficult times, our inner thoughts, or what is referred to as “self-talk” can become extremely negative. We think of all of the “what ifs” and all of the terrible things that could happen. This can create a downward spiral in our brains and our bodies.

Instead, it is important to encourage ourselves with our thoughts. I often ask my students what they would tell a friend going through a hard time. I ask, “Would you say: your life is going to fall apart and you are going to fail?” To this my students chuckle and say, “No.” My next statement is, “Then why are you saying this to yourself?”

We need to learn to be kind friends to ourselves. What can I say to help myself feel a little better, that I actually believe? Maybe: “I’ve got this. I will get through this.” Or maybe, “Things are hard right now, but I am strong and will find a way to make it.” Our not-so-distant ancestors survived the Great Depression. Things are difficult right now and look rather bleak, but self-encouragement and positive self-talk can help give new perspective to our situations.

Final thoughts

Yes, I wish I could be traveling right now. Instead, I am cooped up in the house with four kids who all have spring fever. However, since all of my traveling plans are cancelled until further notice, I am going to use this as a chance to self-reflect, grow, bond with my family, and re-explore hobbies that I let go in the midst of life’s busyness. I encourage you to do the same!