Tag Archives: anxiety

Navigating Life’s Seasons

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This current season of life is indescribable, unlike any season we have ever experienced. It is filled with uncertainty and more questions than answers. When this season started, it definitely blindsided many of us.

For me, I spent the first week home flipping out, wondering what I was going to do with all of my free time. As a mom of four, free time feels foreign, so the rare moments when I do get free time, I really don’t know what to do with myself. By the time I got over the panic of free time, it was my second week off and I had to start working from home. Working remotely definitely felt like my dream life. I was home, making a full-time salary, but still finding time to do things I loved and the kids were getting along great.

Then the third week happened. Our toilet paper supply was running low, so I made numerous (unsuccessful) trips to find toilet paper, along with worrying that we may not be able to find any by the time we run out. The kids started arguing, and in addition, distance learning started. I couldn’t find a schedule that seemed to work. Initially, I was doing my work first and then letting the kids start their distance learning once I was done working. That worked well, except that the kids weren’t getting done with their school work until seven or eight at night. Then I tried letting the kids start school in the morning, while I was working. The problem is that with four kids, someone always needs help, so then my work got neglected, and I found myself having to finish my work at 11:00 at night.

As I prepare to start my fourth week home, I can’t say I have found a good schedule yet. Actually, I would describe last week as a “chaotic disaster.” My daughters’ school work was taking them about six or seven hours a day to complete because of the amount of work that was being assigned, and my four kids constantly needed help on different subjects. It was enough to make me feel like I was losing my mind!

Honestly, my frustration levels were through the roof, and I really thought about e-mailing my kids principals to tell them we decided distance learning was ridiculous and I was no longer willing to do it, but then the weekend came and I had survived.

The life I viewed so fondly the week before had come crashing down, until the weekend came and I was able to regroup. Upon reflection, I remembered the saying my mentor used to tell me…life is mixture. Yes, there are seasons of life that are harder and seasons of life that are better than others , but most of life is a mixture of good and bad. Even though I felt like I was about to lose my mind, I was still finding time to run every day, which was something I stopped doing when the kids were little. I was also finding time to garden, to connect with friends via phone, and to spend fun/down time with my kids.

I can’t decide what to think during this season. One minute I love it and then the next minute I hate it. I am watching friends and neighbors lose jobs, hours being cut, and empty toilet paper shelves, but on the other hand, I have started running and gardening and organizing and blogging again. I have even signed up for a half marathon, which has been a goal of mine for years. I finally have time and energy to do some of these things.

One thing I know about seasons, though, is that they change. For some people, I know this is going to be an extremely difficult season. I still don’t know what type of season it will be for us. In some ways I am happy for this season and the opportunity to slow down a little and find myself again. In other ways, I am dreading this season. Distance learning seems like it will be the bane of my existence. The loss of overtime hours at work means that I have to postpone my home build even longer. In spite of all of this, I believe that things happen for a reason and I know that no season lasts forever. This season may be more difficult than some, but I need to remember to embrace the mixture, not denying the negative, but also not overlooking the positive. Many times I forget to see the positive. It’s so easy to get caught up in the stress of the moment and miss the special little moments along the way.

My challenge for myself, and my challenge for you, is to recognize and embrace those special moments. Seasons change. We will not have the chance to work remotely forever. The kids grow up quicker than we realize. Find special moments throughout the day, with your family and by yourself. Pick up the hobbies that you stopped because life got busy. Bake or play a game or do a puzzle with the kids. Whatever it looks like for you, find a way to make this season special and memorable, because this is a unique season. For me, I think it may be time to start keeping my gratitude journal again, as a way to focus on the positive aspects of life. For you, it may look different, but one thing is sure: whatever it looks like, I know that this will be a season that we will not soon forget!

Hunkering down in the midst of life’s storms

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Like many Americans, our Spring Break travel plans got cancelled this year because of the coronavirus. Yes, I was extremely disappointed, and my emotions have been all over the place, not knowing what to think in the midst of this. However, the lack of being able to engage in public and social activities has forced me to reflect on a few things to help me get through these uncertain times.

1. Breathe

All of the uncertainty of this season is spiking anxiety and fear in many people: fear of contracting the virus, anxiety over employment and investment uncertainty. However, anxiety triggers a “fight or flight” response in our bodies and is very unproductive in times life these.

In the midst of the stress of COVID-19, remember to breathe. Not shallow chest breathing, but deep belly breaths. With my students, I call this “balloon belly breathing.” I encourage them to do the following: Place your hand on your stomach and feel it fill up with air like a balloon, and then let that air out and feel your stomach “deflate.” It is amazing what deep breathing can do for our bodies!

This and other positive coping skills can help us survive the current uncertainty we are experiencing.

2. Engage in an enjoyable hobby or pastime

One of the best ways to survive a difficult season is having a fun hobby or pastime. In the counseling world, these are often referred to as “distraction techniques.” Always wanted to create a blog? Why not start now? Always wanted to start a garden? Now is a great time to start!

Find the book you’ve wanted to read, start exercising again, listen to some good music, go on a walk at sunset. These things don’t necessarily help us cope with the stress we are experiencing, but they occupy our minds so that we don’t dwell on what we currently cannot control. Stress and anxiety are horrible feelings. We can stay in that place of fear, or we can actively try to get ourselves to a place where life doesn’t feel so bleak and hopeless.

3. Rely on faith to find hope

Many American families historically attended church and believed in God to get them through difficult times. However, over the years, many people have stopped believing or actively practicing their faith for various reasons. For some, it is because God felt distant, almost like a fairy tale. For others, it was been because of hypocrisy in the church. Yet others stopped because of busy schedules.

Whatever the reasons for departure from faith, during difficult times, when life feels out of our control, going back to the foundations of faith can be beneficial and encouraging. Praying out loud is a great way to process your thoughts, but can also instill hope within you, as you release your fears and worries to God. The idea that a Higher Power, hears us, is with us when things feel out of control, and cares, can induce hope even in the most difficult times.

4. The power of thoughts

Sometimes I find that I send myself to a negative place with my thoughts. I focus on the stupid thing I said to someone or something I wish I had done differently. In many ways, I am my own worse enemy.

During difficult times, our inner thoughts, or what is referred to as “self-talk” can become extremely negative. We think of all of the “what ifs” and all of the terrible things that could happen. This can create a downward spiral in our brains and our bodies.

Instead, it is important to encourage ourselves with our thoughts. I often ask my students what they would tell a friend going through a hard time. I ask, “Would you say: your life is going to fall apart and you are going to fail?” To this my students chuckle and say, “No.” My next statement is, “Then why are you saying this to yourself?”

We need to learn to be kind friends to ourselves. What can I say to help myself feel a little better, that I actually believe? Maybe: “I’ve got this. I will get through this.” Or maybe, “Things are hard right now, but I am strong and will find a way to make it.” Our not-so-distant ancestors survived the Great Depression. Things are difficult right now and look rather bleak, but self-encouragement and positive self-talk can help give new perspective to our situations.

Final thoughts

Yes, I wish I could be traveling right now. Instead, I am cooped up in the house with four kids who all have spring fever. However, since all of my traveling plans are cancelled until further notice, I am going to use this as a chance to self-reflect, grow, bond with my family, and re-explore hobbies that I let go in the midst of life’s busyness. I encourage you to do the same!