Embracing My Unwanted Staycation

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I didn’t see this coming. Everything was going along as expected, and I have to say this blindsided me. I didn’t want this. In fact, I spent my third day home almost in tears, wondering how I was going to survive two weeks with nothing to do.

Transition. That has described my life the past 6 years. Normally I would organize, clean, or rearrange with my extra free time. However, if everything goes as planned, we are moving again this year, so what’s the point in making my current space cute and more organized?

Memories. Memories of being a stay-at-home mom. I really wanted to be a good stay-at-home mom when my kids were younger, and it’s not that I was a bad one. We did weekly trips to the local zoo, the library, and local parks. We had family game night, family movie night, read stories together, and snuggled frequently. But in the midst of it, I can’t say I really enjoyed it. I had a Master’s Degree, and I wasn’t using it. Although I tried to do little things on the side to make money, it wasn’t really enough to help our budget. While we somewhat struggled financially, I was home all day because the cost of putting four small children in daycare did not make it worthwhile for me to work outside the home. My entire identity became changing diapers, washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning, and entertaining the kids. I was professionally unfulfilled and felt mostly useless. In addition, I was extremely lonely: home everyday by myself with very little adult interaction. Some mom’s say they were made to be stay-at-home moms, and I really wanted that to be me, but it just wasn’t.

Home. Now I was home for two weeks. After almost crying and basically feeling sorry for myself for about a day, I began to get excited about all of the possibilities! I was told by my employer that I could work from home, and that as long as I got my work done and put in a minimum amount of time, I wasn’t expected to work eight hours each day.

Possibilities. My brain now began to swirl with the possibilities. I had basically given up on my blog because of time constraints. Having a full-time job and four kids who are in sports and after-school activities, and several who struggle in school and need extra help with homework, absorb most of my time. I now had time to work and make my full-time income, while also having time to begin blogging again, and time to help my kids with virtual classes, to allow them to get ahead in areas with which they struggle.

Reflection. I realized it wasn’t being a stay-at-home mom that I disliked because it gave me so many sweet memories and moments with my kids. Instead, it was feeling like I wasn’t contributing to my family. If I could find a way to make a full-time income from home, and still have time to do some of the things I love, it would be a dream come true…as long as I could find some opportunities for social interaction!

Embracing my forced staycation. No, I didn’t want to be home, and what started as two weeks, has now because four at the minimum. No, I can’t even go to any of the local tourist spots. Yes, it’s eerie to go to the stores and see some of the shelves completely empty, and I’ve wondered if we may have to start using leaves as toilet paper. Yes, my kids are going stir-crazy from having to stay inside. However, for me, coronavirus has been an amazing chance to self-reflect on good memories, to better understand some of my past experiences, and to look forward to the future. No, I’m not excited that COVID-19 is affecting the health of people around the world. Nor am I happy that it destroyed my Spring Break travel plans. But I feel that life has now handed us what many of us silently asked for: a chance for life to slow down, time to do projects on our to-do lists, and time for us to explore possibilities for which we previously couldn’t find the time. For me that’s blogging. What is it for you?

As the saying goes…When life hands you lemons, make lemonade!

Hunkering down in the midst of life’s storms

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Like many Americans, our Spring Break travel plans got cancelled this year because of the coronavirus. Yes, I was extremely disappointed, and my emotions have been all over the place, not knowing what to think in the midst of this. However, the lack of being able to engage in public and social activities has forced me to reflect on a few things to help me get through these uncertain times.

1. Breathe

All of the uncertainty of this season is spiking anxiety and fear in many people: fear of contracting the virus, anxiety over employment and investment uncertainty. However, anxiety triggers a “fight or flight” response in our bodies and is very unproductive in times life these.

In the midst of the stress of COVID-19, remember to breathe. Not shallow chest breathing, but deep belly breaths. With my students, I call this “balloon belly breathing.” I encourage them to do the following: Place your hand on your stomach and feel it fill up with air like a balloon, and then let that air out and feel your stomach “deflate.” It is amazing what deep breathing can do for our bodies!

This and other positive coping skills can help us survive the current uncertainty we are experiencing.

2. Engage in an enjoyable hobby or pastime

One of the best ways to survive a difficult season is having a fun hobby or pastime. In the counseling world, these are often referred to as “distraction techniques.” Always wanted to create a blog? Why not start now? Always wanted to start a garden? Now is a great time to start!

Find the book you’ve wanted to read, start exercising again, listen to some good music, go on a walk at sunset. These things don’t necessarily help us cope with the stress we are experiencing, but they occupy our minds so that we don’t dwell on what we currently cannot control. Stress and anxiety are horrible feelings. We can stay in that place of fear, or we can actively try to get ourselves to a place where life doesn’t feel so bleak and hopeless.

3. Rely on faith to find hope

Many American families historically attended church and believed in God to get them through difficult times. However, over the years, many people have stopped believing or actively practicing their faith for various reasons. For some, it is because God felt distant, almost like a fairy tale. For others, it was been because of hypocrisy in the church. Yet others stopped because of busy schedules.

Whatever the reasons for departure from faith, during difficult times, when life feels out of our control, going back to the foundations of faith can be beneficial and encouraging. Praying out loud is a great way to process your thoughts, but can also instill hope within you, as you release your fears and worries to God. The idea that a Higher Power, hears us, is with us when things feel out of control, and cares, can induce hope even in the most difficult times.

4. The power of thoughts

Sometimes I find that I send myself to a negative place with my thoughts. I focus on the stupid thing I said to someone or something I wish I had done differently. In many ways, I am my own worse enemy.

During difficult times, our inner thoughts, or what is referred to as “self-talk” can become extremely negative. We think of all of the “what ifs” and all of the terrible things that could happen. This can create a downward spiral in our brains and our bodies.

Instead, it is important to encourage ourselves with our thoughts. I often ask my students what they would tell a friend going through a hard time. I ask, “Would you say: your life is going to fall apart and you are going to fail?” To this my students chuckle and say, “No.” My next statement is, “Then why are you saying this to yourself?”

We need to learn to be kind friends to ourselves. What can I say to help myself feel a little better, that I actually believe? Maybe: “I’ve got this. I will get through this.” Or maybe, “Things are hard right now, but I am strong and will find a way to make it.” Our not-so-distant ancestors survived the Great Depression. Things are difficult right now and look rather bleak, but self-encouragement and positive self-talk can help give new perspective to our situations.

Final thoughts

Yes, I wish I could be traveling right now. Instead, I am cooped up in the house with four kids who all have spring fever. However, since all of my traveling plans are cancelled until further notice, I am going to use this as a chance to self-reflect, grow, bond with my family, and re-explore hobbies that I let go in the midst of life’s busyness. I encourage you to do the same!

Saving Money for a Trip

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The idea of saving money for vacations comes easy for some people, but more challenging for others.  Depending on your income, expenses, number of children, and other factors, traveling may feel more or less out of reach.  My husband and I decided many years ago that we wanted to make opportunities for our family to travel and have new experiences, so we have found ways to make it work based on our various seasons of life.

Here are some of the strategies we have discovered that help us save money for our travels.

1. Create a separate account for travel

By creating a separate account for travel, you can take the money that you save throughout the year and put it in the account.  When you are saving money in some of the ways listed below, you can take the money that you would have spent on those expenses, and put it into your travel account.  The account can be a separate account at your bank or just an envelope, along the lines of Dave Ramsey’s system.  By having some type of separate account, you intentionally devote money toward a fun vacation, allowing your family to reconnect and unwind.  By having a specific travel account, when it comes time to travel, it also helps you stay on budget because you know the amount of money you have in your travel account.

2. Get Rid of Unnecessary Expenses in Your Life

One thing that we have done to help save money on travel is to get rid of cable TV and internet. (Gasp.)  Our family decided this was an unnecessary expense that we could live without. When we need internet, we use our phone as hotspots to assess the internet, and we have a TV antenna when we want to watch TV.  Do I sometimes miss just being able to turn on the computer and have internet access?  Absolutely.  Do I love watching the old westerns that play on our antenna based TV?  Not really.  However, Andy Griffith kind of grows on you after awhile.  By getting rid of these two things, my family saves about $1500 per year, which becomes a large portion of our travel budget.

3. Limit Going out to Eat

Going out to eat can be a major expense for families.  By the time you get drinks, appetizers, and meals for a large family, you can easily end up with a bill over $100.  My family loves to eat, but this is another big place we try to save money.  We limit meals out to once or twice per month.  We also typically opt not to get beverages or appetizers.  Instead, we opt for water (drinking soda and other beverages at home) and if there is an appetizer that sounds really good, we either go to the store and purchase an entire box of the appetizer or we find a recipe online that tells us how to make the appetizer at home.  At restaurants we primarily stick to meals. Also, one of our favorite restaurants offers two free kid’s meals with each adult entrée.  If we want to go out to eat, we plan our evening out on a night with free kids meals.  By doing this, it substantially cuts down on the cost of our bill.  That is not to say that sometimes we don’t splurge and get sodas, appetizers, and steaks.  It is just limiting the frequency of those occurrences and placing the saved money into our travel account.  Also, making unique meals at home can become a fun hobby.  We have made hotdogs with macaroni and cheese on them, hamburgers with eggs on top, and many other fun creations that can be found at restaurants. By limiting meals out, it has encouraged our family to spend time cooking together and exploring new recipes. 

4. The Newest-Coolest Technology

Technology can also be a major expense.  Having the newest-coolest phone, TV, game system, or ipad can be fun, but the reality is that they will be outdated within the next 2-3 years anyways.  Now, I do realize that some people’s “thing” is technology, and they would much rather have great technology than travel.  If that is you, then that’s perfectly fine.  However, if you are wanting to save money for travel, perhaps you can live with your 5 year old TV another year or two, and maybe the kids can take turns with the one Ipad they already have.

5. Thrift Stores and Sale Racks

Young children outgrow their clothes quickly.  Rather than buying new clothes for them every year, try to find the best thrift store in town…the one that has great clothes and reasonable prices.  The thrift store that I use sells name brand kids clothes for $1-$4 each, depending on the item.  I also shop sale racks at stores.  Children’s Place and Crazy 8 have amazing sales, and very cute clothes!  I also opt for sales racks myself.  My favorite store is somewhat expensive, and even though I browse the store to see what cute things they have, I typically only purchase items off the sales rack.  Finding stores that have good sales and reward programs are great options for a family trying to save money.

There are obviously other ways to save money for trips, such as picking up a part-time job on the side or working over-time at work.  Even older kids can make some extra cash for souvenirs on the trip by mowing grass or babysitting.  However, the above strategies are ways we have found to save money as we go through our “regular” life.  We don’t go out of our way to work 60 hour weeks to save money.  We just make sacrifices throughout the year, and by doing that, we easily save the $2000-$3000 that we budget for travel each year.

Managing the Car Chaos

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Choose a variety of unique activities for road trips.

Many people will make groaning noises when I talk about traveling with kids, and for many people, traveling with kids is a horrifying experience.  Perhaps it is because we have traveled with our children since they were little or perhaps it’s because the Big Man Upstairs hears my prayers, but whatever the reason, my children travel really well.  We have taught the kids a love for travel, and sometimes the excitement helps them survive a long road trip without much complaining.

However, there are some simple things we have put in place to survive and make the time feel like it flies. 

1. Use a Variety of Activities in the Car

Too much of one activity will create boredom and complaining in children on long road trips.  Do not put on movie after movie and expect your children to “be good” and watch them for 12 hours.  You need a variety of different activities.  Put together a fun song list and sing along.  Play travel bingo and the alphabet game.  Try to find license plates from as many states as possible.  Watch a movie.  Color in a coloring book.  Call Grandpa and Grandma on speaker phone to tell them where you are going (on the way there) or what you did on your trip (on the way home).  Read a book.  Play games on a tablet or phone.  Take a nap.

2.  Structure your Time in the Car

Schools and daycares have schedules to make the day run smoothly. Having a “schedule” on a road trip helps the trip run smoothly. Basically, think in terms of one to two hour chunks of time; much longer than that and any activity will lead to complaining. 

The schedule can be in your head only and can be very flexible. For example, sing silly songs for an hour, and when the kids seem to be getting out of control with the silliness, tell them it’s time for everyone to read for 30 minutes.  Once they are done reading, suggest the alphabet game.  After playing a few rounds of the alphabet game, let them find something to entertain themselves for a while.  Remind them that in X amount of time, they will get to play on their technological devices if they are making good choices.  After an hour or two of allowing them to play on the technology, plan a stop.  This creates a natural reason for everyone to surrender their devices without it leading to meltdowns.  Once back in the car, play a couple rounds of travel bingo or color.  Then, as the day winds down, put on a movie for the kids.  With all of these activities, 12 hours passes relatively quickly in the car and the kids don’t have much time to get antsy.  The key is to switch activities when the kids seem to be getting bored, restless, excessively silly, or start to argue and whine.

3.  Have Special Activities that are Only Reserved for Road Trips

Our well-loved game of travel bingo is a great addition to any road trip!

It is important to make sure that you have special activities that are only reserved for road trips.  If you let the kids play travel bingo every time they get in the car, it is less likely to hold their interest on a road trip.  We keep special stickers in the car that can be colored with colored pencils.  When the kids start to get bored, I pull them out and say, “Look what I found; who wants to color some stickers?”  Because we don’t have any coloring stickers at home, these are intriguing to the kids.  Having a few unique activities for the kids to do in the car helps hold their interest.  Just make sure any special activities are car-friendly. 

Also, technology is great on road trips, but if your kids watch TV or play on devices constantly while they are at home, those things will not hold their interest long on a road trip.  To combat this, you may need to buy or rent a newly released movie or download a new game, or consider limiting the amount of technology usage prior to a trip so that the kids will be excited to have technology back and it will hold their attention for several hours.

4. Plan Stops around Meals and Gas

Ever been on a road trip and had to stop every hour because someone else has to use the bathroom?  This can make a 12-hour road trip last an extra 2-3 hours.  As with any activity on a road trip, it is important to be strategic.  Plan to stop every 3-4 hours, keeping in mind that things will not always go as planned.  However, it is a good idea to “top off the tank” every three to four hours and this also coordinates well with meal times.  While driving, we give out beverages strategically (i.e. small “sips” along the way and more about thirty minutes before planning to stop). When we stop, we always have all of the kids use the restroom before departing. Additionally, we tell the kids the next time we plan to stop; for the older kids, they understand that they cannot drink two entire soft drinks when we don’t plan to stop for another 3 hours.  Younger children may need help with this idea. 

If you communicate your planned stops and time frame with the kids, after a little teaching, it is amazing how well they buy into the plan, especially if they understand that less stops means they will get to their destination sooner!

5.  Try to Find a Stop that has Gas and a Restaurant at the Same Exit

Find an exit that has the gas you need, a restaurant where you want to eat, and the coffee you want to drink.  This strategy saves you time getting on and off at different exits.  More stops at more exits equals more time.  Part of structuring a road trip includes wasting less time and making smarter stops.  Time wasted in the car means longer time and more chances for the kids to get bored.  Boredom is the enemy of a good road trip with kids!

6. Find little ways to Reward your Children Along the Way

Rewards keep things exciting for children, as children love rewards and surprises.  Rewards do not need to be expensive or elaborate.  They can be little things such as: after you read for 30 minutes, we will then watch a favorite movie or once nap time is done, we will have a special snack.  These little rewards, if done correctly, cause your children to look forward to little things along the way.  Again, it does not have to be big or elaborate, just something for the kids to anticipate.  This also can help the road trip pass more quickly in their minds.

7.  Keep a Positive Attitude

Silly songs are a great way to improve the mood on a road trip; consider choosing music with a song book to allow the kids to follow along.

If you, as a parent, begin to make comments about the road trip taking forever or being sick of riding in the car, I can almost guarantee that the kids will also begin to complain.  It is important to keep a positive attitude, even if you don’t feel very positive.  Kids model adult behavior.  If you can make the road trip seem fun and do little activities along the way, the kids will believe it is fun.  However, if you complain about how terrible the trip is, you are sure to begin hearing complaints from your kids.  Keep the complaints to yourself and choose to set a positive tone for the trip; it will make the trip more enjoyable for everyone!

Above all else, happy travels!

All About Me

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Four years ago, my husband and I took a chunk of our savings and purchased an RV. It was not the newest, coolest RV, but it ran well and fit our needs. Since that time, we have traveled with our family to forty states. We have watched the sun set over Grand Canyon, explored the nation’s capital, viewed bison grazing at Yellowstone, and much more.

For us, travel is a chance to unwind from the stressors of life, reconnect as a family, see new places, have new experiences, and reflect on life. When I hike to the top of a mountain, somehow the world looks different; my head is cleared and the stressors that seemed so overwhelming just a few hours previously, fade away.

As a mother of four, my husband and I have learned to plan cost-effective, family vacations that interest both us and the kids. We are an average American family, and both my husband and I work full-time jobs, but we have made sacrifices in certain areas to be able to travel. We don’t have the newest, coolest cars or technology, but my kids have been places that many adults have never been.

I hope that through this blog, you are inspired to begin traveling with your family. My desire is for you to glean tips for managing the chaos of traveling with a family and that you gain ideas for family vacations. I also hope to induce thought provoking reflections because perhaps the best part of traveling, is seeing the world through a new lens.