Hope in the Midst of Weariness

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2020 has been a difficult year. I am exhausted. The pandemic, the economic and employment issues, the shutdowns, the natural disasters, the social isolation–every time I turn around, it feels like one more hammer drops. The social distancing and the continued disruptions to normal life are taking an emotional toll on everyone.

Everything inside me wants life to go back to normal. I am tired of facemasks and not being able to hang out with friends. The constant changes at schools across the nation feel tumultuous–teachers and students being quarantined, schools closing down, sporting events cancelled, teacher changes due to class balancing as students return for in-person learning, teachers being displaced due to low attendance numbers. Then there are the economic effects–every time I turn around someone is being furloughed or let go. We all brace, hoping and praying that whatever the next hammer is to drop, that it doesn’t strike too close to home.

I find myself, over and over, speaking the words, “I bind myself to hope.” For many people, hope is dwindling. Job loss, financial difficulties, and lack of social supports have stripped hope from many. However, hope is essential. When we give up hope, we give up the very thing that can keep us going during difficult times–looking forward to a future that is bright and full of possibility.

When hope dwindles, is it easy to fall into hopelessness and depression. However, that is the very place that needs to be avoided. The reality is that during difficult times, there are not a lot of good options; however, typically, there are options. Desperate times call for creativity and thinking outside the box. The options we think of may not be the options we wanted, and our life may not look like we envisioned, but the options may keep us going when everything around us seems to be shaking.

Options may look like moving in with a family member, or taking a less-than ideal job. It is important to remember that any options we choose in the short-term, do not have to be forever. We just need to do what needs to be done to survive this season, putting one foot in front of the other.

Above all else, we must bind ourselves to hope, because if we lose our hope, we stand to lose everything. We will get through this and come out the other side. In the meantime, we must maintain some level of hope–hope that the future will be brighter, and that as some point, we will return to some semblance of normalcy.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a wellspring of life.”

Relaxing Versus Exploring Vacations

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“I need a vacation.” These words are uttered so frequently during exhausting seasons of life, especially now, in the midst of a pandemic, when very few people are traveling. However, not all vacations are created equal. There are vacations where you want to see and visit everything possible–the kind of vacation that makes you feel like you need a vacation from your vacation, and there are vacations that are relaxing and refreshing on many levels. Understanding what type of vacation you want or need can be beneficial before planning your travel destination and trip details.

Often, when I travel to a new place, I want to see and do everything possible that the destination has to offer. These types of vacations can be extremely fun, but also extremely exhausting. Typically, your destination determines the type of vacation you end up having.

Relaxing vacations

Going to the beach is generally relaxing. Traveling to the mountains is also relaxing. If you feel like you need to go somewhere to get away, relax, and clear your head, destinations like the beach, the mountains, or National Parks are great options. At these places, you can enjoy nature, clear your head, and have no agenda, other than what you decide to do each day.

When you are overwhelmed or feel like you need to recharge, these are the best types of vacations to plan. Camp, roast marshmallow, watch a beautiful sunset, and spend your days doing nothing but enjoying nature. These types of vacations typically leave you feeling refreshed and recharged.

Exploring Vacations

Visiting a big city or a “tourist” destinations would typically fall under the category of an exploring vacation. When you visit a new city, there are so many options of things to do and see: museums to visit and excursions to attend. For example, when you visit Washington, D.C., you can visit the Lincoln Memorial, the Washington Monument, the Capitol, the White House Museum, the Smithsonian Museums and Zoo, Arlington National Cemetery, etc. Visit any travel website and you will find hundreds of suggestions of things to do in Washington, D.C.

The same is true about most major cities. When visiting Orlando, many families view this as a once-in-a-lifetime experience and try to visit all the Disney parks and/or all the Universal parks. Every day is filled with theme park adventures.

Whether you are visiting Washington, D.C., or Orlando, or Boston, or Hollywood, there is often a sense of energy and excitement to visit places that you have previously only heard about and dreamed of visiting. These types of vacations are new and exciting adventures that will be remembered for years to come.

However, these types of vacations are typically exhausting. Long days in the sun at a theme park trigger meltdowns in children. Walking from one destination to the next and the next is also exhausting. There is a time and a place for exploring vacations. If you are wanting to experience new adventures, this is the perfect type of vacation!

The Decision Making Process

It is important to be honest with yourself before planning a vacation. If you have had a long year and just feel like you need a break, planning a relaxing vacation is best. On the other hand, if it is summer, and the kids are going stir-crazy, perhaps an exploring vacation where you get to see and do a lot of unique activities would be better.

In the past, there have been times I needed to relax, unwind, and clear my head where I planned a vacation to a big city, thinking all I needed was a vacation. In these times, I enjoyed the vacation, but arrived back to “real life” without feeling recharged and refreshed.

Understanding that there are different types of vacations that you can plan is important to helping you match your vacation with your present state of mind and personal needs. With that being said, I do know that some people plan vacations a year in advance. Because of this, they are not going to know how they will feel a year in the future. In these situations, it is best to evaluate when your busy or calm times of the year are, and how you typically feel that time of year. Also, in planning a vacation much in advance, consider trying to choose a place that would offer a blend of exploring and relaxing.

Finding Balance

The truth is that most vacations do offer a little of both relaxing and exploring. Sitting and enjoying a meal at a restaurant in a big city is typically a relaxing way to unwind after a long day of exploring. Visiting the closest city to a National Park and exploring all of the facets the park has to offer allows you to explore during a relaxing vacation. Vacations are not all one or the other, but they often are more relaxing or more exploring, depending on your destination.

If you are unsure which type of vacation you will need or if you feel you want to both relax and explore, consider only planning activities for half of your vacation time. Plan to go into the city or do excursions on half the days, and then allow the other half of the days for relaxing by a pool, having a campfire, hanging out at your hotel room or campsite, or clearing your head on top of a mountain, by a body of water, or at some other scenic spot.

It is easy to arrive at a travel destination and want to see and do everything, or to completely detach and do nothing. However, by having a plan of what type of vacation you need before you start your travels, you can be more intentional about ensuring your vacations meets those needs, so that when you return back to “real life,” you do not arrive feeling like you need another vacation because the one you took was fun…but not what you needed.

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How an RV Saved us Money and Headaches

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An RV is a big investment. Even used RVs often cost tens of thousands of dollars. Until five years ago, we never even considered purchasing an RV. Before the purchase of our RV, our vacations consisted of two or three trips a year to visit out-of-state family members, and a yearly beach trip with our family. With these trips, we road tripped an average of 12-hours each way to get to our destinations and traveled about once every three months with our four small children.

In 2015, I really don’t know why, but my husband and I began discussing the option of purchasing an RV. We loved traveling and thought traveling in an RV would definitely be more comfortable than cramming our family of six into our car for long trips. After exploring the options, we decided on a Class A RV, which is basically one of the largest RVs you can buy, to fit our large family. We didn’t have a truck suitable for pulling a travel trailer and didn’t like the idea of having to unhook the trailer at every stop, nor did we think a smaller option (Class B or C) would appropriately fit our family, so after consideration, we found an old, but updated, Class A RV.

Even used RVs can be pricey, but because we bought an 15-year-old RV, we were able to get it at a price that fit our family budget, and after purchasing the RV, our vacation costs were cut by more than half.

Advantages

The biggest areas of savings: food and hotels. The conveniences: not having to pack and repack your things, having room to move, and having things to do.

Food

Because we now typically stay in an RV when we travel, we eat more meals in the RV. We have a stove in the RV, and we always travel with a grill, so we frequently make eggs or other elaborate breakfasts before heading out for the day. Lunch is often sack lunches (sandwiches and chips) while we are out and about. Also, because we love grilled food, we often end the day with grilled steaks or chicken. Yes, we still enjoy going out to eat to enjoy local cuisine while we travel, but traveling in our RV limits the need to go out, because with a trip to the grocery store, we can eat camp food that we enjoy, and save ourselves money in the process.

Hotels

An RV prevents us from having the cost of hotels. We basically have a hotel on wheels. Hotel costs are one of the biggest expenses of travel. With an RV, you still have to pay for a campsite at an RV park, and the better RV parks definitely cost more, but even really nice RV parks are typically a quarter to half the price you would pay at a hotel. This equates to thousands of dollars of savings when we travel, as our summer trips often last three or four weeks.

The Convenience of Not Having to Unpack and Repack your Things

Kids have a lot of stuff, and if your kids are anything like mine, they are not necessarily great about keeping things in their suitcases. When we stay in hotels, items often get lost or forgotten; someone inevitably remembers that they lost their favorite small trinket when we are two hours away from the hotel. As a mother, this has been perhaps the biggest joy of having an RV. I no longer worry that we are forgetting things. Everything we need and want stays in our RV, with the exception of outside toys that the kids may play with. There is very little worry that items will be forgotten, nor is there a need to pack up things each morning to continue traveling toward the final destination.

The Convenience of Having Room to Move

Although we do not typically allow our children to walk around the RV when we travel for safety reasons, there is definitely enough room for everyone in the RV. No longer are we squished into a small car together for hours on end. When we travel, everyone has room to spread out: some will sit at the table, others will sit on the couch, and someone will sit in our swivel chair. With all of these areas, there is space to lay down, to play, and to have breaks from one another. Another huge advantage is that we don’t have to stop every time someone is hungry or needs to use the restroom!

The Convenience of Having Things to Do

An RV is like a small home. In our RV, we keep games, books, magazines, toys, coloring books, art activities, a TV, and outdoor toys for the kids. Essentially, it is like traveling with a house on wheels. The RV also has loads of storage space, so all of these items have their own space. Unlike traveling in a car, you do not have to be extremely selective about what you bring when you travel in an RV. The kids don’t have to choose a few toys and a few books to bring, because there is room in our RV for lots of items. We have an entire two door, four-foot long closet to store items the kids want to bring. These items keep the kids entertained when traveling down the road and while hanging out at our campsite. Yes, we still need to be selective because an RV isn’t as big as our house, but traveling is much more enjoyable because the kids are able to bring and access many more of the things that they love.

Disadvantages

However, it is also important to know drawbacks associated with traveling in an RV. As with anything, there are also some disadvantages that should be noted. The drawbacks: gas costs, vehicle size, slower travel, and fighting the wind.

Gas Costs

I need to begin by saying that we have a gas RV, rather than a diesel. When we travel, it is typical for us to get 8 miles a gallon (and sometimes less), especially when driving in mountainous areas. This does become an additional expense on trips because it is about a third of the gas mileage than what we get with our family car.

Vehicle Size

Our RV is 33-feet long. There are certain stops that we skip along the way because we simply cannot fit. As we travel, we have to be careful that we find gas stations that we can easily get in and out of. There are some restaurants that have no parking for RVs, and there are some excursions that we would like to do that simply don’t have RV parking. We could stop and park for the evening at an RV park and spend a day at the excursion. However, because we typically want to get to our final destination, losing a day is not ideal. With a car, it is easy to pull into a place for an hour or two, to explore, and then be on your way. If a destination has RV parking, you can do this on an RV trip as well. However, it is often hard to tell if a place will have room to park an RV, as many places do not advertise it. We have also gotten into situations where we have turned down dead-end streets without realizing it, entered towns there the streets and mountain roads that were not conducive to RVs, and struggled to find a place to get gas or eat because they did not have space for an RV. These situations can be nerve-racking and down-right scary. As you get more experienced, you learn how to avoid these situations, but it is something you need to be intentional about when travel planning with an RV.

Slower Travel

Driving 75 miles an hour, as you would in a car, is typically not possible in an RV. With most RVs, about 60-65 miles an hour is a comfortable highway speed. This equates to less ground covered each hour. Also, with essentially driving a house on wheels, it is more taxing than driving a car. Because of this, we often only drive 6-8 hours a day when traveling in our RV, where we will typically drive 12-14 hours in a car. It seems that without having to stop for meals or the restroom, that you would be able to get places faster. However, this is not usually the case. Trying to keep a 33-foot RV on the road is mentally taxing, plus you still have to stop for the driver to be able to use the restroom and often eat meals (because it is much more difficult to eat while driving in an RV than a car).

Fighting the Wind

An RV is essentially a wall driving down the road. RVs are not wind resistant. Especially when traveling out west where there are few trees to create wind resistance, you feel every wind gust that blows. They hit the side of your RV with a vengeance and make it feel like you are struggling to keep the vehicle on the road; this adds to the already taxing nature of driving a 33-foot vehicle down the road. We have had some scary moments where it literally felt like the wind was going to pick our RV off the ground or blow us off a cliff. Because of this, wise planning is important. We pay attention to wind speeds and try to travel when wind speeds are lowest for the day. This sometimes means that we travel early in the morning, stop somewhere for an outing in the afternoon, and then travel again in the evening.

These drawbacks are not shared as a way of scaring you, but instead, to help you consider both the benefits and the drawbacks of traveling in an RV. For us, having the ability to just hop in and drive, has allowed us to travel and explore places we never would have been able to afford. We never could have paid to travel to Yellowstone, the Badlands, and Mt. Rushmore for three weeks, with the cost of flights for six, hotel costs, and meals out. We also never could have afforded to traveled to Grand Canyon, Zion National Park, and Bryce Canyon for a month. With our RV, when traveling to less populated areas, such as the western United States, we often are able to travel for between $100-$150 a day for our family of six, including food, gas, campsites, and excursions. Traveling to highly populated areas often cost us around $200 a day because campsite prices are higher, we often have to pay for public transportation, and tourist activities/excursions often cost more as well. However, just renting a hotel room for a night costs about what we spend for our entire day’s expenses when traveling in our RV.

For us, purchasing an RV allowed us to plan longer vacations and provided us a way to travel comfortably and affordably to areas we never would have considered visiting with our large family. The hassle of packing and repacking at hotels along the way, as well as the costs of traveling with four children, were a huge deterrent, but once we purchased an RV, loading up and planning month long vacations became a fun summer activity. Forty states and thousands of amazing photos later, we do not regret our decision and have memories to last a lifetime!

10 Ways to Save Money on a Vacation to a City

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1.  Try to find as many free excursions as possible.

Most cities have free activities that are enjoyable. By finding free activities to include in your travels, it helps bring down the overall cost of the trip.

2.  Stay at a hotel with a continental breakfast.

Breakfast at restaurants gets pricey. For a family of six, even a cheap breakfast out can cost $50-60 a day. On a ten-day trip, this equates to an extra $500. By staying at a hotel with a continental breakfast, you avoid this expense. Another option is to purchase breakfast foods at a grocery store (if your hotel has a refrigerator) and eat in your room before you start your activities for the day.

3.  Stop at a grocery store to purchase groceries. 

Having groceries in your hotel room cuts down on eating out costs. Not only can you pick up breakfast items or items to make sandwiches, you can also pick up snacks for your stay, as purchasing snacks from vendors is much more expensive than purchasing packaged items at a grocery store.

4.  Try to limit meals out to one per day.

Many families use vacations as an opportunity to eat out. However, eating out costs can become a major expense during travels. If you are wanting to travel economically with a large family, this is one of the best ways to limit costs, while still allowing your family opportunities to enjoy local cuisine. By eating out only once a day rather than three times a day with your family, you can save over $100 a day, which equates to over $1000 for a 10-day trip! This extra money can be used for another trip or for additional excursions and experiences on your current vacation.

5.  Consider eating lunch out, as lunch meals are typically less expensive than dinner.

Although lunch portions are typically a little smaller than dinner portions, lunch prices are often substantially cheaper than dinner prices. Also, when traveling with a family, it is often nice to allow time to wind down in the evening, so lunch, while you are out and about anyway, is the perfect time to eat out.

When we travel, we frequently purchase sandwich items to eat in our hotel room for dinner. After a long day of excursions (often in the heat of summer), we often do not feel extremely hungry at the end of the day, and we look forward to watching TV and unwinding with the kids in our hotel room. Sandwiches and snacks in the hotel are a cheap meal and also provide us this opportunity to relax and unwind before setting out again the next morning.

6.  Research the city transportation schedule.  If the city offers a discount for riding at non-peak times, plan your day to hit those non-peak hours.

Riding city transportation at peak times can be double the cost of riding at non-peak times. This can equate to a substantial amount of money when traveling with a family. By planning your day around non-peak times, you still can have a substantial amount of time to explore the city, while saving money. For example, in Washington, D.C., if you ride the metro after 10:00 a.m. you pay about half price. This allows you time in the morning to relax and enjoy continental breakfast before starting out. Then if you ride the metro back to your hotel after 7:00 p.m, which also was a non-peak time, you again pay about half price. This schedule allows you to save money, while still allowing you nine hours or more to explore the city each day.

7.  Utilize the fresh fruit or refreshments that your hotel offers; they make great snacks and treats throughout the day.

Many hotels have complementary cookies, fresh fruit, or other snacks that they make available for guests. Grabbing one of these items allows you to save money on a snack or treat later in the day. We never use these items as our entire source of snacks when traveling, but sometimes when we are exploring a city in the heat of the day, an apple is a welcome, refreshing snack. Also, the cookies often prove to be a nice treat at the end of a long day.

8.  Consider staying in an inexpensive suite-style hotel to have beds for everyone in your family.

Many budget-friendly hotels are moving away from suite-style rooms, opting for more traditional-style hotel rooms. However, if you can find a hotel that offers a budget-friendly suite, they typically have room to sleep 6–two queen beds and a pull-out couch. Rather than having people sleep on a cot or the floor, this provides a budget-friendly way to have beds for everyone in the family.

9.  Stay outside of the city, as hotel prices are usually substantially cheaper.

Staying downtown can be convenient because you are right in the heart of where you will be vacationing. However, even the cheapest hotels in a city are often three times the price of hotels outside of the city. In addition, hotels located in downtown areas often do not offer continental breakfasts. By staying outside the city, even with the added transportation costs of having to travel into the city, you will typically save a bundle.

10. Create a reasonable budget and stick to it!

It is easy to get carried away on vacation. When you are traveling, all of the excursions sound fun and many people fall into the trap of thinking, “I am going to enjoy this because it may be the only time I ever visit this place.” The problem with this mindset is that it often causes people to go over budget, and then the next time they want to travel, they think about how expensive traveling is and have second thoughts about planning a trip.

By creating and sticking to a budget (or even spending less than your budgeted amount), it often makes you feel that travel is more of an option. Spending less on a trip, often does something in your brain, where it begins to feel like traveling is not that expensive so you can do it more frequently. On the other hand, some people save thousands and thousands of dollars for one trip, creating a massive budget, but this can create a feeling that trips are so expensive that they can only be taken occasionally. By creating a budget that is reasonable and sticking to it, it empowers you to feel that traveling more often is within reach!

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A Tour of the Northeast (Part 2)

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Statue of Paul Revere with the Old North Church in the background. The Freedom Trail, Boston, MA.

After finishing the initial, semi-planned portion of our trip with still over a week left for our vacation, we decided to head to Boston. Arriving in Boston on a Saturday afternoon, we decided to take advantage of the weekend train pass, which allows unlimited trips on the train for only $10 a person, with younger children being free. Because we were staying outside the city, we decided this would be the most economical option, plus it prevented us from having to rent a car and find parking downtown. Wanting to take advantage of our pass, we road the train into the city Saturday evening and spent a few hours exploring the city on foot, before taking the hour-long train ride back to our campground, where we arrived exhausted and thankful that sleep could finally envelop us.

Our train passes also gave us unlimited free train rides the following day, so after riding the train back into Boston, we walked portions of the Freedom Trail and then decided to splurge on a whale watching tour. We were ecstatic to see three humpback whales and a seal on our excursion, watching the whales surface and re-submerge for 30 minutes or more. As I watched everyone hiding behind their phones, trying to capture amazing pictures and videos, I couldn’t help thinking that they were missing the moment and the breathtaking experience.

The next morning we grabbed a rental car, since we choose not to tow a car when we travel in our Class A RV, and we drove to Harvard University, a place with my love a academia, that I have always wanted to visit. After a self-guided tour of the campus, we headed to Cape Cod National Seashore.

At Cape Cod, signs were posted everywhere to beware of Great White Sharks feeding in the area. As we walked down to the beach and watched seal after seal float along in the water just off the shore, the lure of sharks to the area made perfect sense. Afraid of sharks and mesmerized by the seals, we were content just watching the seals swim up and down the shoreline and walking the shore, enjoying the breathtaking views.

Plymouth Rock, Plymouth, Massachussetts

The next day we had a full day planned. First, Plymouth, Massachusetts to see the landing place of the pilgrims. Second, a trip to Mystic, Connecticut, to briefly explore a state where none of us had ever visited before. Third, to travel to Newport, Rhode Island to see the mansions that have made Newport famous. Each stop was brief, but we determined that would be sufficient for this trip.

We began the day exploring Plymouth. After being in Boston, we were surprised by how quaint and un-touristy the town felt. We viewed Plymouth Rock and visited the 1749 Courthouse Museum. However, in the actual town of Plymouth, there wasn’t much to see or do, so after our brief visit, we headed to Connecticut.

Our dreary afternoon in Mystic, CT

My husband had planned to take us to Mystic, Connecticut to see the Mystic drawbridge open and to walk the quaint town streets. However, the weather had other plans, so we quickly found shelter in the Mystic Drawbridge Ice Cream shop. After enjoying ice cream, it was still pouring outside and the drawbridge hadn’t risen, so we ran through the rain to our car, as we wanted to travel to Rhode Island for the late afternoon. By the time we arrived in Newport, Rhode Island, many of the mansion tours were closing for the day. We drove the streets of Newport in an effort to catch glimpses of the mansions in spite of missing the tours, and though we were able to see some, many were hidden from the road. After driving around Newport, we stopped in Bristol, Rhode Island for a wonderful dinner at an Irish Pub.

The next morning, we determined that we had done the activities and seen the sites in the greater Boston area that we desired for this trip, so we loaded up the RV once again. Since we still had some time left for our vacation, we decided a trip to Pennsylvania was in order. After a day of travel, we found ourselves visiting Hershey’s Chocolate World in Hershey, Pennsylvania and enjoying a tour explaining how they make their chocolate. We, of course, did not leave until we had purchased A LOT of chocolate!

The next day in Pennsylvania, we found ourselves exploring and walking the grounds at Gettysburg National Military Park. My son had spent the school year learning about much of history surrounding the battle of Gettysburg, so being able to see Gettysburg for himself was one of his favorite portions of the trip. We could have spent days there because of all of the sites and history at the park, but our trip finally needed to come to an end, so we once again loaded our RV, to begin the remainder of our drive home.

Camping in West Virginia

Stopping at an RV park in the mountains of West Virginia that night, we enjoyed watching the kids catch fireflies and play in a creek at the campground. For them, West Virginia was another state they had never before visited, so they enjoyed the opportunity to see and experience more of the continental United States.

After about three and a half weeks on the road, our trip finally came to a close. We had chosen not to stay long at each destination, opting to see and experience our top few sites and activities at each destination, so that we could see as much as possible during our travels.

During our three and a half weeks, we had stared in wonder at Niagara Falls, navigated customs into Canada and back into the United States, hiked the mountains of Vermont, explored beaches and peninsulas of Maine, enjoyed the natural beauty of Acadia National Park, watched humpback whales in the wild, walked much of the Freedom Trail in Boston, explored the Harvard University campus, relaxed at Cape Cod National Seashore, visited Plymouth Rock and the town of Plymouth, traveled to Connecticut and Rhode Island for a day trip, toured Hershey’s Chocolate world, explored Gettysburg National Military Park, and camped for a night in the mountains of West Virginia. Like I said: sometimes our vacations don’t go as planned…they’re even better!

A Tour of the Northeast (Part 1)

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Due to COVID-19, any travels that we would have liked to do this summer were put on hold. The amazing trips to Glacier National Park and the Statue of Liberty that I have dreamed of taking for years had to be placed on hold. Quarantine and staying home have replaced exciting travels. However, I have decided to share some of our previous travels since this is a travel blog, with few stories of travel. So, here it goes…

Last summer , we opted to take a break from travels out west, and instead, headed to the northeast. Our plans were to visit Niagara Falls, New York; Stowe, Vermont; and Portland, Maine. However, sometimes our vacations don’t go as planned…they’re even better!

We began our trip at Niagara Falls, a place my husband and I have both previously visited but that we wanted our children to see. Niagara Falls is breathtaking, with three separate waterfalls: Horseshoe Falls, American Falls, and Bridal Veil Falls. We spent the day walking the trails and seeing the various waterfalls. We also walked to footbridge into Canada. To do this, we had to go through customs. Our children had never been out of the United States, so “going to another country” was perhaps more exhilarating than seeing Niagara Falls for several of them. They were excited to go through customs and discover what it was like to visit another country. Granted, Niagara Falls, Canada really isn’t much different than Niagara Falls, New York, but to the kids it was an exciting new experience. We got them each Canadian coins, a snack, and little mementos to remind them of their visit to Canada, and after walking around for an hour or two, we headed back to the United States side of the falls.

After returning stateside, we went to Anchor Bar, the home of the original buffalo wing. My husband had dreamed of eating wings at the place where buffalo wings were created, and his wish came true on this trip! The food was amazing, as was the experience! Once lunch was done, we walked to the top of Horseshoe Falls, the largest of the three waterfalls. As the wind and mist from the waterfall blew across our faces, we tried to savor the experience, taking pictures and attempting to enjoy the view. We stayed long enough to feel like we had made the most of the experience, but determined that the waterfall was definitely more enjoyable from farther off because at this proximity, we were cold and wet! Sad to say good bye, but tired and feeling like we had done everything we wanted, we headed back to our RV for the night.

The next morning we packed up and drove for two days, stopping only for the night, in an effort to get to Stowe, Vermont as quickly as you can in 32-foot Class-A RV. I had dreamed of the day I could return to Vermont, as I had done a brief internship there in college. For me this stop felt like a homecoming. Memories of mountain hikes and fun with old friends filled my mind. Upon arriving, we opted for dinner at the Bierhall at Trapp Family Lodge, as we had read amazing reviews. The food did not disappoint! I ordered Chicken Schnitzel, and the combination of bacon apple kraut, arugula, and braised red cabbage over chicken was phenomenal. I can honestly say it was in the top two meals that I have ever eaten in my life! I still remember the amazing combination of flavors in this mouth-watering meal!

We spent the next two nights camping with our RV in a rustic campground at a state park. Campfires, playing in a cold river at the base of a waterfall, and hiking in the mountains encompassed our next several days. It was a relaxing stay, and the mountain views were breathtaking. When the time for us to leave came, I was reluctant to go. I would have been content staying in the mountains for the remainder of our trip. Perhaps someday I will own a cabin in the mountains, but for now, I try to make the most of vacations that take us to the mountains. However, with other places we wanted to visit, we packed up and headed out.

After a quick stop in Portsmouth, New Jersey to see the town and enjoy dinner on the water, we continued to Maine, our next destination. We spent our first day in Maine, at the ocean in Portland. The ocean was too cold for swimming, but we enjoyed walking on the beach, seeing the town, and eating poutine and lobster rolls.

The next day we drove to Acadia National Park, a park that I have always wanted to visit. It was a gloomy, rainy day, as were all of the days during our stay in Maine; however, we tried to make to most of it. We hiked part of Ocean Path and a portion of the Jordan Pond loop trail. We even drove up Cadillac Mountain, but were unable to see anything besides fog. We wished for a better day, but since we had no control over the weather, tried to do as much as we could while there. It seemed like the perfect spot to journal and clear your head, if only we had more time and it had been a nicer day. We added it to the “visit again” bucket list and headed back to Portland where we were staying, but not before stopping to eat surf and turf at a local restaurant.

Our final day in Maine we spent exploring some of the states peninsulas, walking on beaches, visiting lighthouses, and local restaurants with amazing food.

Pemaquid Point Lighthouse

Somehow we were only about a week and a half into our vacation and we had already traveled to all of the states we originally planned. Because we refuse to schedule every waking moment of our vacations, this is a risk we run, but not necessarily a bad problem to have–extra time to see more places. My husband and I sat down to discuss what we wanted to do with our extra time and decided on visiting Boston, a place we had always wanted to travel, but had no intention of visiting on this trip. Yes, we could have spent more time in Maine, but we had done the top four things we had wanted to do: eat surf and turf, visit Acadia, tour the peninsulas, and visit the ocean. Since we had done all of these things, we decided to enjoy another part of the northeast, so the next thing we knew, we were packing up and preparing to head to Boston…

Unexpected Travels

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Lock down. These two words have summed up our life for the past four months. We have had hundreds of conversations with our children explaining that we could not travel this summer as we typically do, and that besides trips to the library with face masks on and occasionally seeing local family, we would be home all summer. However, unexpected circumstances required that we travel to Michigan on short notice.

It has been four years since we have been to Michigan, and we didn’t have much time for our usual vacation activities because of other obligations. However, we were able to squeeze in time for a few hours of fun during our four days in Michigan.

On the Fourth of July, we traded our usual warm summer beaches for the sand dunes and cold waters of Lake Michigan, going to a remote beach about which only locals know. The landscape along Lake Michigan is breathtaking. Sailboats dotted the horizon and people relaxing in boats were enjoying the warm summer day.

With the lake at your front and huge sand dunes at your back, there are gorgeous views no matter where your gaze lands. The kids, not being accustomed to northern lakes, strolled in for a few minutes, and then sat on the beach shivering with purple lips. However, my youngest stayed in the water with me, saying over and over, “This is SO refreshing.” She definitely took advantage of the opportunity be in the water and swim, while my other kids sat looking bored. After staying an hour and a half, we decided none of the kids (besides one) seemed to be enjoying themselves, so we went for a drive through Michigan’s farm country and some of its small towns, then headed back to where we were staying.

A few days later, we met some people at Russ’ Restaurants in Grand Rapids for lunch. Russ’ is a family owned diner and is unlike any that we find where we live. I had been telling my husband since we arrived in Michigan, that I really wanted some good fried fish. Much to my surprise, Russ’ had fried perch on their menu. Knowing how much I had missed good fried northern lake fish, I savored every bite.

Since it was our last day in town, we also decided to go to our favorite buffet in the entire United States, actually the only buffet I like: Pizza Ranch. The self-serve buffet style that we are used to was replaced by cafeteria style service. When we first walked in I was a little concerned that the workers would discover how much food I truly eat at buffets. The restaurant was essentially empty, with very few patrons, but any fears were quickly alleviated because the skeleton crew at the restaurant was doing an excellent job of helping where needed, so whoever was available gave you food when you wanted it. In my mind, this made it so no one realized that I ate about seven plates of food. Relieved, I was able to settle in and enjoy the experience…as much as you can enjoy how you feel after eating seven plates of food!

Besides their unique pizzas, such as their Texan (taco) pizza, the thing that I love about Pizza Ranch is that if there is a specific type of pizza that you want from their menu that is not on the buffet, many franchises allow you to order the pizza and have as many of the pieces that you desire brought to your table, while putting the remainder on the buffet. Because of this, you are able to have your favorite types of pizza, fresh each time you visit. I was a little saddened that Macaroni and Cheese Pizza had been taken off the menu, but with so many other options to choose from, I definitely enjoyed the experience.

We finished the day meeting a friend at Thornapple Brewing Co., enjoying a local beer made from hops provided by West Michigan Hopyards. It was a great way to end our last day in Michigan.

This definitely was not a typical vacation for us, but we managed to squeeze in a little fun and good food. With our bleak view of no or minimal travel until the summer of 2022, this short trip, though in many ways stressful, was also a welcome relief for a family of six tired of being stuck in the house together with nothing to do. I am thankful to have had this short trip, even if it was nowhere close to the typical vacation that I would have planned…

Setting Attainable Goals Rather than Living in the “Shoulds”

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In my last blog post, I spoke about dealing with “shoulds.” In this blog, I will explore goal setting as a valuable way of actively dealing with the “shoulds” that are truly important to us. With some “shoulds,” we may find that we do not feel they are important enough to set as a goal; these “shoulds” need to be reframed in our mind and let go of. If they are not important enough to set as a goal, they are not important enough for us to waste mental energy on them.

Steps toward setting an attainable goal rather than living in the “shoulds”:

1. Write it down on paper

Telling ourselves over and over that we “should” do something typically causes us to feel false guilt, like we will never be able to achieve the intended target. Writing it down gives us a visual reminder of what we are working towards. Often, when we write things down, it moves “shoulds” out of our mind and helps us feel like we have a plan, so we no longer have to replay it over and over our brains.

2. Break it into manageable chunks

Small goals cause us to feel hopeful, as we begin to strive towards those goals and see small successes. Breaking a larger goal into chunks makes it feel more attainable and allows you to see your progress along the way.

3. Begin working towards it

As you begin working towards your goal, it is important to be realistic. Allow yourself to celebrate little successes as you go. Recognize that it is normal to experience “road bumps” and for goals to take longer to achieve than you thought they would. Often, people who experience “shoulds” also are perfectionists. Give yourself permission to not do it perfectly. Some progress is better than feeling like it is an overwhelming task that you need do perfectly, and as a result, never beginning.

4. Reevaluate

As you begin working toward your goal, you may realize that it is not realistic. For example, perhaps you set as a goal to spend one hour three days a week to speak to your aging grandmother. However, with your full-time job and your kids’ athletic schedules, you only seem to be spending an hour once a week. It is okay to reevaluate your goal. If you were previously wishing you “should” spend time with your grandmother, and now you are consistently speaking to her once a week, you are making progress toward your goal and that progress needs to be celebrated. Goals need to be reevaluated based on our schedule, our availability, and reality.

5. Actively deal with the “shoulds”

When we set goals for ourselves, the “shoulds” often try to creep in; when they do, we must actively address them. The “shoulds” can be debilitating, so we must reframe them and rework our goals accordingly. In the example above, the thought may creep in, “I really should spend more time with my grandma. My goal was three times a week and I’m only calling her once a week.” This statement will typically lead to feelings of guilt. Instead, saying, “My goal was to speak to her three times a week, but that doesn’t seem to be working. Maybe I need to change my goal to one or two times a week. On busy weeks I will for sure speak to her once, but on calmer weeks, I will aim for twice.” This reframing from a “should” to a realistic goal based on reality, is a healthy approach to addressing something that is important to you.

A Note for Consideration

Often, when ideas stay in our brains, we replay them over and over. They present themselves as “shoulds” or unachieved goals or guilt and regret. The same is true about experiences we have had. When we have experiences that we keep to ourselves, we tend to replay them over and over in our brains. Guilt, regret and subsequent bitterness often accompany these thoughts. Finding a way to get the thoughts out of our brains then frees up our brains so that we do not have to keep “replaying the tape” over and over. For “the shoulds” writing them out as attainable goals is a great way to get them out of our minds and begin dealing with them. For past experiences, writing them out can help our minds begin to process those experiences. It frees our brains to get it out; to give ourselves time to face and process those experiences.

Something like journaling helps us feel like we are letting those experiences out so that we do not have to keep replaying them over and over in our minds. We can look at those memories, regrets, and experiences, and release them. Some people even choose to rip them up and throw them away after journaling them, as an act of letting go of those past regrets. Other people type them on the computer and delete them after a period of time; hitting the backspace button and watching the words disappear. Whatever the chosen method, having a strategy to let out painful memories and “shoulds” is necessary to move forward and to live life to its fullest.

Dealing with “Shoulds”

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It has been said that the true definition of character is who we are when no one is looking. The truth is many of us play roles. We dress up and appear professional at work, when internally we question our decisions and if we’ve making the correct choice. We act like the perfect parent in front of others but lose patience in our own home, especially after four months of quarantine. Sometimes we take on roles, because we feel like we must in order to survive and navigate the world around us. Other times we take on roles because we feel like we “should.”

When we begin acting out of the “shoulds,” we act from a place of false guilt. We feel guilty, that we “should” do this or be this way, or we “should” do that. Don’t get me wrong, there are actions that will damage our relationships with others or violate the laws of society that we should not do and these are things that should create a sense of true guilt within us. However, there are many things that we believe that we “should” do, that come from a place of false guilt.

There are many “shoulds” that we take on that create false guilt and shame in our lives. Here are five common “shoulds” people believe:

Should: I should spend every waking minute with my children or I am a bad parent.

Truth: It is healthy to have hobbies and interests outside of your children. In addition, it is important to spend time by yourself to self-reflect, to grow as a person, and to get refreshed. These things demonstrate to your children the importance of living a healthy, balanced life and set a good example for your children to follow.

Should: I should always have the answers or people will question my knowledge as a professional.

Truth: It is okay if you don’t have all the answers and you tell the other person that you will look into it. This demonstrates to others that you are willing to research and learn, that you are honest and teachable, and that you will go above and beyond to find the answers to help them.

Should: I should have it all together or people will think less of me.

Truth: Life is messy. No one’s life is perfect, no matter what people make it look like on social media. Sometimes realizing that you don’t have it all together makes you more approachable to others. They see you dealing with life’s messes and surviving. This often results in people coming to you for advice and looking up to you for wisdom. In addition, pretending you’re perfect is exhausting. Being real and authentic is much more rewarding in the long run. However, with that being said, it is important to use judgment and caution when sharing life’s challenges with others because some people are not confidential or like to gossip.

Should: I should ______ more than I do.

Truth: Sometimes people believe that by saying “I should do this activity more,” that it will motivate them to be more productive. However, false guilt is generally more debilitating than it is motivating. Constantly “beating myself up” with my internal dialog is rarely helpful. These “shoulds” can apply to almost anything. I should pray more often. I should spend more time with my aging parent. I should read my Bible more often. I should spend more quality time with my spouse. I should clean my house more often. None of these things are bad. However, when something is important to you, it is more beneficial to set an attainable goal. The “shoulds” can be paralyzing, but goals can be productive and life-giving.

Should: I should not let _____ bother me so much.

Truth: Some people and situations are bothersome. Let’s face it: some people just irritate us and being around them is like listening to nails on a chalkboard. When we find ourselves dwelling on a person or situation that bothers us, we have several choices. We can speak (respectfully) to the person who bothers us about how we feel and try to resolve our differences. If this does not seem like a viable option, we can journal or speak to someone else about how we feel. We can give ourselves permission to be irritated for awhile; we don’t want to stay irritated forever because that only leads to unforgiveness and bitterness; however, sometimes situations are irritating and feelings are a normal part of life that we need to recognize and accept to move past them.

The key to dealing with the “shoulds” is to recognize their role in our lives and to begin actively acknowledging them. Once the “shoulds” are brought to the surface, we can intentionally begin to address them, as their presence often lead to stress, anxiety, and a feeling of being incapacitated.

Coming later this week: Setting attainable goals rather than living in the “shoulds.”

Understanding and Evaluating Busyness in our Lives

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Busyness. Some seasons of life are just busy, and sometimes busyness is a necessary part of life. Work, raising kids, and household tasks can result in full days. However, not all seasons are as busy as others, and some seasons of life are meant for relaxing and recovering, but if we are not careful, we can easily fill them with busyness. It is important to spend time evaluating the roll of busyness in our lives to ensure that busyness serves its appropriate place.

There are several common reasons busyness can creep into our days.

Feeling like there are more tasks than time.

For me, busyness often results from a feeling that I have more to do than time, and this is a common feeling for many mothers. For us, when summer break rolls around, we are usually ready to travel and relax. However, with a full-time job and four kids, travel then encompasses the extra time I would have to get activities accomplished. When I finally do have some time, such as this summer because of not traveling due to COVID-19, it is easy for me to find tasks to fill up each and every day: clean out and organize; deep clean; do random art and science projects with the kids that we have around the house but never seem to have time to do; purge infrequently used items; and the list goes on. For me, it is very easy to busy myself with projects, not knowing when I will have time to do those tasks again.

One thing that I must do during down times like these is create a schedule and prioritize what I truly want to do. I prioritize what I most want to get done and create a schedule that intentionally includes time with my husband and children; time for journaling, reading, and self-reflection; time for professional interests; time for projects; and time to relax. I find that if I am not intentional about some type of schedule during unstructured times, one of two things happen: I get to the end of summer and have accomplished nothing on my to-do list or I get to the end of summer and feel like I didn’t allow myself to relax or be refreshed before starting work again in the fall. Both feelings are extremely frustrating, so flexible schedules, including intentionally scheduling fun days/activities help me stay on track, preventing me from either completing checking out and accomplishing nothing or surrounding myself with projects and busyness because I am unsure when I will have the chance again. I also intentionally remind myself that life comes in seasons, and there will be other slow seasons, so I don’t have to accomplish everything in 60 days! If I don’t go through the storage totes this summer, I may have some time over Christmas or Spring Break, or if not, I may have time in two years. Regardless, it will be okay.

Avoiding Emotions

There is another common issue that can lead to extreme busyness. Sometimes busyness can be a sign that we are avoiding emotions on a deeper level. Some people are secretly afraid of being alone with themselves without the television on or something with which to busy themselves. Other times people use busyness to ignore pain buried in their hearts, and “push through” finding one task after another so they do not have to experience the feelings associated with past hurts.

Athletes know that sometimes pushing through pain is a good thing. Some pain builds muscle and strength. However, athletes must also learn the difference between helpful and unhelpful pain, as because certain pain can indicate a broken bone, a muscle tear, or a serious issue. Pushing through that kind of pain can make an injury worse. The same is true of our emotional life: there are times when difficult things happen and we must push through the emotional pain to survive. Sometimes seasons of life are hard and we have to push through. However, there are also seasons in life where we must allow ourselves to reflect and face the pain of the difficult seasons, whether that looks like journaling, drawing, praying, talking to a counselor, or crying with a friend. When truly painful circumstances happen, continuing to push through that pain causes further damage inside of us, just like pushing through pain after breaking a bone. Unresolved emotional pain leads to bitterness, anger, and emotional numbness.

We must allow ourselves to face and process our pain, asking God to show us where He was in the midst of our most painful experiences. We must also allow ourselves to grieve our disappointed desires because disappointed desires often lead to emotional pain. When we avoid emotions and emotional pain, we often become “human doings” rather than “human beings.” Forgetting how to be, we surround ourselves with busyness and grow further and further away from our true selves. We distance ourselves from the pain, but in blocking out pain, we prevent ourselves from feeling anything. Eventually, we just begin to go through the motions of living, without really living. Numb. Feeling nothing…but underneath the numbness is a broken heart with so many emotions waiting to come out. Sometimes numbness may be accompanied with anger–the “safe” and socially acceptable emotion. However, at its core, anger is a surface emotion, meaning that when anger surfaces, there is another emotion underneath that may not be “safe” for us to feel: hurt, betrayal, brokenness, failure.

Finding our identity in our children

Another issue that leads to busyness is a desire to have very involved children. Often this begins as a desire to have well-rounded children. However, as the activities begin to encompass every waking moment, many find that they have a hard time saying “no” to their children’s activities because they do not want to deprive them of opportunities. Other parents want their children to have all of the experiences they had or experiences that they were never able to have. In these instances, the parents’ identities become more and more wrapped around their children’s successes and failures or the activities in which they are involved.

From time to time, we must evaluate the time we are devoting to our kids’ activities. Did I enroll Sally in cheerleading because I always wanted to be a cheerleader and was never able to be one? Am I afraid that saying “no” to Johnny will cause a meltdown that is better to be avoided? Am I living vicariously through my children? Do I feel guilty if I don’t allow my children to do all of the activities that they desire?

Sometimes both children and parents need down time. If we find that we are running from one activity to another to another, we may need to reevaluate. Perhaps the kids are at an age where they are trying to build up their college application and resume so they need to be involved in numerous activities, or perhaps the kids are in activities during times that their parents are still at work. However, during unstructured interactions and play, children learn to be creative, to relate to others, to compromise, to self-regulate, and a host of other life essentials, so it is important that they are allowed to have unstructured time to develop these skills. If busyness and activities are overtaking all downtime, prioritizing and reevaluating may be necessary.

Questions to Ask

If we find our days encompassed with busyness, it may be time to take a step back and ask ourselves some hard questions:

Do I need to be as busy as I am or am I using busyness to avoid something: emotions, relational connectedness, etc?

Do I secretly fear I may not have down time again, or at least not for a very long time?

Am I basing my worth as a parent on how many activities my kids are involved in?

Have I been through a difficult or painful season that I need to process?

Do I constantly feel numb or angry?

What is the most effective way for me to process my feelings and experiences?

Do I truly know myself or am I afraid to be alone with myself?

As we ask ourselves these questions, we may find that the answer to all of these questions is no and that we are just in a busy season. However, if we find ourselves in one busy season after another, we may need to take a step back and allow some time for self-reflection. Our feelings are a barometer to let us know what is going on inside of us, and this type of self-reflection can help us ensure that we are emotionally healthy.

Busyness is sometimes an essential part of life, but balance and emotional well-being are a must. Self-reflection can help us ensure that busyness serves a proper place in our lives, and that our busyness does not stem from a faulty belief system or emotions that we are not allowing ourselves to face. These types of self check-ins can help us live more balanced, fulfilled, and emotionally healthy lives.

The “Human Doing” Debacle

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As summer vacation begins, the much-needed break from homeschool and work-from-home has arrived. The very thing I have longed for is now at my finger tips. However, with most of our typical summer festivities closed or cancelled, I now face two more months with kids home and little to do. Even though some things are open, I still don’t love the idea of traipsing all over creation with four kids, as COVID-19 and protests/riots are still a present reality.

The glares I get in public as a group of five, with kids who are too big for shopping carts, but who still just don’t seem to get the logistics of social distancing, just don’t seem worth it. In addition, going shopping and purchasing clothing items without being able to try them on growing kids, and then having to make another trip to the store to return anything that doesn’t fit, just seems like a tremendous inconvenience. Driving through downtown areas where we may encounter protesters feels very unsafe with four kids in tow. We have done all of our art projects, all of the quarantine ideas that were worth doing, all of our puzzles at least once, and played all of our games countless times.

The kids are bored, but I don’t feel like I have the mental energy to entertain them. My to-do list is growing faster than I can keep up with due to little things that I never have time to do in the midst of “normal life.” Wanting to knock out my to-do list, but feeling the need to rest and recover, causes a plethora of emotions: anxiety that I will surround myself with busyness and to-do lists and not enjoy my summer; while at the same time worrying that I will not capitalize on my time and strategically use my summer for the things most important to me; guilt that I don’t want to entertain my children all summer; and fear that I will arrive at work in August not feeling refreshed because of my summer projects. All these emotions and thoughts swirl around in my brain.

Then the realization sets in: I have forgotten how to “be.” I have once again switched to the mindset of a “human doing” rather than a “human being.” As a mother, there is a lot that needs to be done, both for the kids and to maintain a household. However, I cannot lose sight of the fact that I am a human being, and as such, I must allow myself to “be.” Pushing ourselves to go-go-go and always striving to accomplish to-do lists and goals can quickly lead to burn out. We must allow ourselves to take a step back and regroup. Yes, some seasons of life are just busy, but we also need to find little opportunities to rest, recover, relax, and do things we love so that we do not fall into the trap of becoming “human doings.”

We were created to “be:” to enjoy community with other people, to enjoy sunrises and sunsets and mountain views and ripples across lakes, to enjoy nature sounds, and to embrace the person God created us to be. Sometimes in life’s busyness, we lose sight of this, but down-times are great opportunities to reflect and ensure that we continue to live as human beings, rather than as human doings.

A Light in the Darkness

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As our world continues to deal with the COVID-19 crisis and the corresponding economic issues that resulted, a plethora of other concerns have surfaced. Forecasters predict that this will be the worst hurricane season in years, while civil unrest and protests engulf our streets.

In this midst of this, I find myself praying for breakthrough, wisdom, and truth. I feel like the earth is groaning in anticipation of something on the horizon. What that is, I don’t completely know.

For me, I have realized this is a time to search inside of myself to seek inner healing in the parts of me that carry wounds from the past, to ask God to meet me in the place of those wounds and to help me face and move past the pain. So often words and experiences from our past hurt our hearts, and affect us in ways we don’t even realize in the present. I remember one of my mentors telling me, “The only way out is through.” We must allow ourselves to experience and face the pain of our past hurts to move forward, because often, if we find ourselves overreacting to something in the present, it is because there is a past wound that is being triggered. To live fully in the present, I must face and find healing from my past.

In addition to inner healing, I also feel like I need breakthrough. Life has a way of sucking the energy out of us. Dreams go unfulfilled. Plans change. The life we imagined, is not how life unfolds. This is not necessarily a bad thing; however, we must grieve disappointed desires so that we can move forward in the present. We need a fresh outlook on life to more fully embrace our present reality. Because of this, I currently find myself praying for breakthrough. I believe that God is a God of miracles, and I need a refreshing touch. Life is been hard. There was a time in this nation when many people expected God to move during difficult times. However, one hard season after another seems to have sucked that hope out of many people’s hearts. Personally, I now find myself crying out, “God, I need breakthrough. I need a refreshing touch of your hand.”

In the midst of it all, I pray for wisdom and for truth to be exposed. Finding myself with more questions than answers, not understanding what is happening in the world, I believe that out of this place of the earth groaning, we will come to a place of healing and truth.

The Finish Line is in Sight!!!

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Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. ~Galatians 6:9

I feel weary; I feel very weary, but the one thing I can say is that the end is in sight, and I have survived! I can’t say I will be sprinting, or even jogging, across the finish line…more like crawling. But the finish line is in view, and I have made it! Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to quit at Week 1, and again at Week 3, and then again every week since then, but I have made it to the end!

Distance learning has been one of the hardest parenting challenges I have faced. Navigating distance learning with four kids, three who have unique learning needs, while trying to work from home has been extremely difficult. At least once a week I would ask my husband what he thought would happen if we just quit doing it. However, we kept putting one foot in front of the other, and now I can almost reach out and touch the finish line.

When I completed my half marathon earlier this month, it was a similar feeling. I don’t remember a lot about the last three miles because I was so exhausted that my brain didn’t seem to be working. It was 69% humidity when I started, and well into the 80s when I finished; the combination completely zapped my energy. However, my body seemed to be on autopilot, so I pushed through until the end. By the time I reached the finish line, my brain was foggy and my entire body hurt. I wish I could say I sprinted across the finish line, but that was not the case. I reached the finish line feeling like I had nothing left to give. I didn’t achieve the time goal I had set for myself and didn’t finish as strong as I had hoped, but I finished. A goal that I had for my entire adult life was achieved, and with that came a huge sense of accomplishment.

As I finished the half marathon and as we finish distance learning, I can’t say that I have “run the race to win” because in both cases, I have reached the finish line feeling like I have nothing left to give and like I barely made it. However, what I can say, is that I persevered and finished. I was tired. I was weary. And I wanted to quit so many times. But there is something to be said for perseverance.

Distance learning has been hard. Running my first half marathon was hard. Quarantine and social distancing have been hard. But in the midst of it, we have persevered, and there is something to be said for that. When we wanted to quit, we didn’t. We kept putting one foot in front of the other, and we survived. We are stronger than we realize, and we have now reached the finish line. Summer break is here, which means a break from juggling working from home and the kids’ school work. It means a chance to regroup and refocus and to plan fun, creative activities with the kids. The finish line is in sight, and even though, in many cases, it feels like we are crawling to the finish line, we have persevered, and if nothing else, we have finished.

Preparing for a New Norm

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A new day is dawning…but I have no idea what to expect…

It may sound shocking, but I went to the grocery store Friday evening for the first time since the new social distancing guidelines have been implemented. Because of our work/home school schedule, it has been more convenient for my husband to do our shopping, so I have not been to a store for well over a month. I have not been shopping since one way aisles, limited capacity, the widespread use of face masks, and check outs with Plexiglas barriers have begun.

The last time I was in the store, everything was normal, except for the fact that the store shelves were empty of eggs, milk, fruits, vegetables, toilet paper, and other essential items. Now the stores were full (besides the toilet paper aisle), but “Do not enter” signs were posted on rotating ends of the aisles.

Forgetting how much life has changed since I have been staying home, I began my shopping, only to begin noticing people giving me terrible looks. I realized that the two customers in my aisle were both going the same way…the opposite direction that I was going. I quickly apologized and corrected my direction, but the reality of how much life has changed in a few short months quickly began to set in.

Only two months ago, I was at work preparing for Spring Break, thankful that it was finally here. Life was going smoothly, but like any school employee, I desperately needed Spring Break.

So quickly after Spring Break began, though, life began to change. What was previously discussed on the news as a virus in China, began to spread to the United States. Social distancing, stay-home orders, and curfews quickly followed.

In the two months since Spring Break began, the neighbors on both sides of me moved away, and because of my husband’s flexible schedule, he had begun doing all of the shopping, so I hadn’t been in stores since the beginning of April. Because of these things, my social interaction has been zero and my contact with the outside world has been non-existent.

Where I live, most people keep to themselves and don’t talk to the strangers around them. However, being at the grocery store after reemerging from isolation, I experienced a different kind of distancing and unfriendliness. The general courtesies that occur, such as an occasional “excuse me” or a quick conversation with someone behind you in line, were replaced with distance and coldness. If there were smiles of kindness, they were hidden behind masks. All of the general pleasantries had vanished. It almost felt like being in a sterile, serious science lab. The cashier and bagger were decently friendly, but no one else looked at each other or smiled, and if someone moved in their direction, they moved to distance themselves appropriately.

After my grocery store experience, the reality set in that I don’t think we will return to “normal.” All signs seem to point to a new normal, and it’s hard to picture what life will look like when all of this is over. Will I be able to hug or shake hands with people? Will more of the pleasantries between passing strangers resume? Will one way aisles stay forever? And the question on every parent’s mind: will my kids get to return to school in the fall?

Once again, I come back to the fact that there are so many more questions than answers. I long for life to go back to “normal,” but also understand that it probably never will. Mentally, I am trying to prepare for a new normal, but I feel like I don’t even know how to prepare…because I don’t even know what to expect.

For now, I keep putting one foot in front of the other. As Pabbie the troll said in Frozen II, “When one can see no future, all one can do is the next right thing.” I have no idea what the future will look like, but what I do know is that the next two weeks I will spend finishing up my work and home school for the year. After that, I have “to-do” list to begin working on, and in the midst of that, I have activities that the kids have been asking to do: a crystal-growing science kit, a hurricane tube, new recipes to try, and rooms to rearrange and redecorate.

At this point, I have few guesses as to what life will look like after this, but I right now, I know that the next right thing is to help my own kids and my students finish the school year strong, and then to help my kids enjoy a low-key summer. I don’t know what the future holds, but that is okay; I don’t have to know. The future will slowly begin to unfold when it’s time. For now, this is my “next right thing;” what is yours?

A Mother’s Day Reflection

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Some people seem to have this amazing ability to set goals, and plan their lives, and their lives go according to the plans. For me, I can definitely say that my life looks very different than I planned. There have been many times in life I have found myself grieving disappointed desires. I had pictures in my brain of how life was supposed to go, and life just didn’t seem to turn out that way.

I planned to get married, have two and a half kids, live in a neighborhood with a white picket fence, and have an amazingly successful career, or something like that. I was going to live the American dream!

However, four kids later, I decided to work in the school system so I could have the same schedule as my children, rather than pursue a more lucrative career. Instead of a house with a white picket fence, we moved into a practical house that fits our family and is zoned for good schools. The amazing overseas trips my husband and I used to take, turned into state-side travel to allow us to travel economically with our family. My “cool” car got sold, so I could purchase a “mom car” to fit our large family.

I have slowly begun letting go of the picture of how life was “supposed” to look. Life is messy, and for most people, it doesn’t turn out how we expect. We realize how much things cost and how expensive kids can really be. Our dream job either doesn’t come or the demands are so great that we decide it may not be worth the cost. In the process, we have to adjust our picture of life and our expectations.

However, if we can allow ourselves to grieve our disappointed desires, letting go of the life we thought we wanted, we can more fully embrace to life we actually have. For me, I have four beautiful children who woke up at 6:45 this morning because they were so excited to celebrate me for Mother’s Day, and with my husband’s help, they brought me breakfast in bed. Then they sneaked into the kitchen to do dishes while I was outside, only after insisting on making me a new recipe they discovered for lunch.

I can’t say I have my dream house, or my dream car, or my dream career, but I have four amazing children and a wonderful husband who appreciate me and who celebrated me today. There are four little people who look up to me and who I am teaching to navigate life, and even though they sometimes aggravate me and push boundaries and make me feel like I’m losing my mind, I get glimpses of the amazing people they are becoming. I am helping impact the next generation, in my very own home. No, I never imagined my life would look like this; my picture looked very different.

But sometimes life doesn’t go the way we plan…and in it’s own unique way…it’s even better.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of the moms out there!!!

Reopening: Cautiously Hopeful

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  • To them, the sky is the limit.

With the announcement this week that many places are beginning Phase 1 of reopening, there is a sense of relief that has begun to fill households. The kids are excitedly making plans of when we can visit our loved ones or take a trip, even just a day trip. They excitedly discuss all the possibilities. To them, the sky is the limit.

For adults, many are skeptical. Can I safely go to the places that are reopening? Will I risk getting infected or infecting my loved ones? When will it be safe to stop social distancing? When will the stores and restaurants I love resume “business as normal?” There continue to be more questions than answers.

In spite of it all, there is a level of excitement in the air, a sense of relief, that we can slowly begin resuming life as normal. I long for the day I can sit and enjoy our favorite family-friendly restaurant or plan a date night to somewhere other than our kitchen and living room. In addition, my “travel bug” is stirring again. I am pretty sure my heart flipped when talk of opening the National Parks began.

There is a sense that the weight of the last few months may finally be lifting. My head tells me it may not, that this may all be “too good to be true,” but my heart leaps for joy at the possibility of my favorite places reopening and the ability to return to normalcy. How reopening will truly unfold is anyone’s guess. However, for now, I choose to be cautiously hopeful–hoping that things will slowly return to normal, but aware that at any moment stay-at-home orders may once again be implemented.

Perhaps my biggest wish is that I can go to the store and find flour, toilet paper, and meat shelves full once again. As I embrace the relief and hopefulness I now feel, I recognize that it will take time for life to fully return to normal. I also know that we will never be the same.

This season of life has changed us. It has made us appreciate our families that we have been unable to see. It has made us appreciate things we previously took for granted, like toilet paper and full shelves at the store, or being able to engage in social activities, or shop at stores we love. We have seen how quickly the economy can change or how jobs we thought were secure can suddenly vanish.

Many of the challenges and lessons of this season have been difficult to embrace, and they may not be over yet. However, for now, I choose to be cautiously hopeful that we will slowly begin picking up the pieces of the life we knew, and slowly rebuild a better future.

The Death of Laughter

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A few days ago, I was once again going through the motions of the day: get up, have coffee with my husband before he leaves for work, get settled into working from home, and then help the kids with distance learning. The schedule seems to work well, but for some reason, it now feels like it is sucking the life out of me. I would compare it to Wesley on “The Princess Bride” when he is told, “I’ve just sucked one year of your life away.”

Distance learning is wearing on me. One of my children was assigned a major project that we worked on until almost 9:00 every night last week. In the midst of long hours of distance learning and the kids just not understanding their assignments, the thought hit me, “I miss laughing.”

The last few weeks have been long and difficult. The routine that seemed to work for our family, now felt mundane. Some teachers began lessening the distance-learning load, but others seemed to think the kids had finally gotten the hang of it so they began assigning more. I can’t help thinking that I would much rather be on vacation, or at the beach, or just walking aimlessly around a mall.

However, as I worked from home in the morning, helped with distance learning in the afternoon, made dinner, and then helped with a project all evening, I realized that as much as I tell people the importance of having fun, I haven’t been following my own advice.

There are so many cute ideas of activities for fun at home, like making an indoor fort or having a scavenger hunt. The problem is, that I only have one child who would enjoy these things. The other ones would probably secretly enjoy it, but as middle schoolers, anything Mom suggests seems to be a stupid, horrible, awful idea…so most of time, the energy it would take to try to convince the kids that it would be fun, just doesn’t seem worth it.

I still haven’t really figured out what middle schoolers enjoy. I am convinced that what they enjoy is aggrevating their parents, acting too cool for anything parents suggest, and finding friends who are just as annoying as them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my middle schoolers. Nothing gives me more joy then trying to act cool in an effort to annoy them. It gives me great satisfaction to hear them say, “Mom, just don’t.” I find their quirky way of trying to figure out how to transition from childhood into adulthood endearing.

However, when you are trying to find ways to make quarantine more enjoyable, the words, “Mom, just don’t” put a damper on efforts to lighten the mood. Small children are demanding, but entertaining them is so much easier. They would be ecstatic about a scavenger hunt or a creative play fort. I could tell them to make me “dinner” with their play food or to make something with play dough, and it would keep them entertained for hours. However, that is not where we are in life.

Instead, I have middle schoolers and a high schooler with challenging distance learning classes, and an elementary school student who seems to have more work than any of them. All of this has created an atmosphere where fun seems to have disappeared. Thus creating the present state of affairs, where laughter is a distant memory.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times when we laugh, but the joy and light-heartedness that we previously enjoyed seems to have vanished. In its place are long hours of distance learning, working home, and no social interaction.

They say they are lifting stay-at-home orders and curfews, but what does that even mean? Many people are still worried about spending time with others and most places of entertainment are still closed. I long to see my friends, to experience some type of normalcy, but it feels so unachievable, and last week the epiphany that laughter seems lost was a sad reminder that I need to find small ways to bring laughter back into our home. So…

For now, I think I am going to brainstorm and make a list of 20 ways to effectively annoy middle schoolers.

Weariness Comes Knocking

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As week five of quarantine draws to a close, only one word adequately describes my current state of being: weariness. Weary that I can’t go back to life as normal. Weary that I am having to balance my work and my kids school work.

Social distancing is beginning to take its toll. I can’t say I typically have a full social calendar, often opting for low-key family weekends rather than entertaining or joining large social gatherings, but I am starting to crave socialization. I miss seeing my siblings, spending time with my friends, and enjoying the warm hellos of coworkers.

The demand placed on parents across the country to become instant home school parents is also beginning to take its toll. Yes, teachers are creating the lessons, which at first appearances would make it seem easier, but now, unlike traditional home school, I am having to keep up with twenty-five different teachers’ expectations between my four kids. Each teacher has different requirements, different platforms they are using, and different expectations. Navigating these demands is anything but easy.

In my brain, I imagined that the third week of home school would get easier, that we would have settled into a manageable routine. However, some new challenge always seems to present itself. This week, we discovered that we had accidentally missed some important assignments last week. That definitely causes a set-back because we spent the beginning of the week playing catch-up. Going into this week, I thought it would be smooth-sailing, but that wasn’t our experience. This week was hard.

Fatigue. Weariness. I am bracing for social-distancing for the long-haul, but longing for life to return to normal. I bought a new hair dryer that doesn’t work well, but returning it means another trip to a store that is limiting the number of people allowed in. My recent online order arrived damaged, but exchanging it means going to the post office and being in close proximity to others. Is it better to engage in these activities or just make due? This seems to be the million dollar question.

I don’t want to expose my kids to the virus. I don’t want to get sick and be unable to help my kids or do my work. In addition, if my husband gets sick, he will have to use most of his time-off or take unpaid leave. These questions, precautions, worries, and fears are on so many minds. Not wanting to expose ourselves or our loved ones to the virus, but longing to get back into society and to our normal lives.

The lack of answers feels ominous. When will stores begin to reopen? How bad will the unemployment rate be when this is done? And how many stores will have to permanently close their doors?

Each of us has questions that swirl in the back of our minds. Maybe we don’t take time to listen to those thoughts each day, but they are there, adding little by little to the weariness and stress. I know life will return to normal at some point, but how soon is anyone’s guess.

In the meantime, it is important to find little moments of joy in each day. Watch the sunrise. Have morning coffee virtually with a friend. Take the chance to enjoy lunch with your kids…since they’re home from school anyways. Engage in a hobby or discover a new one. Inhale the fresh air while watching the sun sink in the distance.

We will get through this. It will pass. Life may look very different on the other side. The unknowns feel extremely daunting…but we will survive and will come out stronger. There are lessons we will learn in this season that we will cherish forever. History is unfolding before our very eyes and memories are being made. On the other side of this, we will view life through a new, fresh lens.

Embrace the present, plodding along, taking one step at a time, because when we don’t know what to do, we just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Above all else, we must not lose hope. Hope will carry us through, even on the hardest days, and hope will ensure that tomorrow comes, and it allows us anticipate a brighter future.

Balance in the Midst of Uncertainty

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As we stay home, trying to figure out what our new lives look like, even with all of our fears and uncertainty, there is a sense of having more time than we typically do.

This feeling is almost liberating–finally having time to do all of the things that we never have time to do.

However, in my overzealous place of finally being able to have time to do these things, I have once again found myself over-committing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not over-committing to obligations others have for me.

This is a unique type of over-committing: over-committing to things I love.

In my excitement of finally having time to do activities that I love, I am pushing myself harder than I have in years. I have found myself setting out after dinner on a six mile run to train for the half marathon I have always wanted to run and creating trellises for my backyard garden at 10:00 at night. Because these are all things I love and that I want to do, I don’t realize how late it’s getting or how exhausted I truly am.

The word balance needs to come back into focus. With transition and change, balance sometimes gets lost in the shuffle.

The last several weeks, that has definitely happened for me. Three weeks ago, before distance learning started, I began remembering all of the activities I love that I have stopped doing because of having young children. Once distance learning started, I was working, helping the kids with school work, and still trying to do all of those things, because they were bringing me so much joy.

However, too much of a good thing…is still too much…

I am exhausted and didn’t realize how exhausted because I was having so much fun. The pace that I was headed was not sustainable, and I realized I would send myself to a place of burnout if I didn’t slow down. Now I am having to regroup. Today, my body needs rest from running. My blog post may be shorter than usual, and I may veg out to a brainless movie later.

No matter what the season, balance is essential. Yes, balance sometimes gets out of sync during transitions, but we must be intentional about fighting for balance in our lives.

Balance is what helps prevent burnout–making sure we fulfill our (work) obligations, spending time with family, taking time for faith-based activities such as prayer and Bible reading, and making time for activities we love. Balance requires that we don’t allow one of these things to overtake our lives, even if it is an activity that we love.

This is an amazing chance for us to slow our lives down, to regroup and refocus on what is really important, but in the process, we need to find balance. If I am spending all of my time on one area, even if that area is doing things I love, I have not found balance, and I run the risk of burning myself out or hurting important relationships.

I encourage you to make a list–not a “to do list,” but instead, a list of all of the general categories that are important. For me, right now, that list would consist of work, distance learning, faith, family, hobbies, housework, and relaxing.

Once I know the categories that are important, I can consciously make an effort to ensure that I am spending time in each category, but not too much time in any one category.

These categories may change at various times in life, and we may need to spend more time in one particular category than others at different seasons of life, but the goal in finding balance is to make a conscious and intentional effort to spend (what you determine to be) an appropriate amount of time in each category that you designate as important.

The key to balance, is intentionality!

This week I lost sight of that. Now that the dust has begun to settle from juggling working from home and distance learning, I am hoping that I can find an appropriate balance to life in general. My hope for you is that you will do the same!!!

Navigating Life’s Seasons

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This current season of life is indescribable, unlike any season we have ever experienced. It is filled with uncertainty and more questions than answers. When this season started, it definitely blindsided many of us.

For me, I spent the first week home flipping out, wondering what I was going to do with all of my free time. As a mom of four, free time feels foreign, so the rare moments when I do get free time, I really don’t know what to do with myself. By the time I got over the panic of free time, it was my second week off and I had to start working from home. Working remotely definitely felt like my dream life. I was home, making a full-time salary, but still finding time to do things I loved and the kids were getting along great.

Then the third week happened. Our toilet paper supply was running low, so I made numerous (unsuccessful) trips to find toilet paper, along with worrying that we may not be able to find any by the time we run out. The kids started arguing, and in addition, distance learning started. I couldn’t find a schedule that seemed to work. Initially, I was doing my work first and then letting the kids start their distance learning once I was done working. That worked well, except that the kids weren’t getting done with their school work until seven or eight at night. Then I tried letting the kids start school in the morning, while I was working. The problem is that with four kids, someone always needs help, so then my work got neglected, and I found myself having to finish my work at 11:00 at night.

As I prepare to start my fourth week home, I can’t say I have found a good schedule yet. Actually, I would describe last week as a “chaotic disaster.” My daughters’ school work was taking them about six or seven hours a day to complete because of the amount of work that was being assigned, and my four kids constantly needed help on different subjects. It was enough to make me feel like I was losing my mind!

Honestly, my frustration levels were through the roof, and I really thought about e-mailing my kids principals to tell them we decided distance learning was ridiculous and I was no longer willing to do it, but then the weekend came and I had survived.

The life I viewed so fondly the week before had come crashing down, until the weekend came and I was able to regroup. Upon reflection, I remembered the saying my mentor used to tell me…life is mixture. Yes, there are seasons of life that are harder and seasons of life that are better than others , but most of life is a mixture of good and bad. Even though I felt like I was about to lose my mind, I was still finding time to run every day, which was something I stopped doing when the kids were little. I was also finding time to garden, to connect with friends via phone, and to spend fun/down time with my kids.

I can’t decide what to think during this season. One minute I love it and then the next minute I hate it. I am watching friends and neighbors lose jobs, hours being cut, and empty toilet paper shelves, but on the other hand, I have started running and gardening and organizing and blogging again. I have even signed up for a half marathon, which has been a goal of mine for years. I finally have time and energy to do some of these things.

One thing I know about seasons, though, is that they change. For some people, I know this is going to be an extremely difficult season. I still don’t know what type of season it will be for us. In some ways I am happy for this season and the opportunity to slow down a little and find myself again. In other ways, I am dreading this season. Distance learning seems like it will be the bane of my existence. The loss of overtime hours at work means that I have to postpone my home build even longer. In spite of all of this, I believe that things happen for a reason and I know that no season lasts forever. This season may be more difficult than some, but I need to remember to embrace the mixture, not denying the negative, but also not overlooking the positive. Many times I forget to see the positive. It’s so easy to get caught up in the stress of the moment and miss the special little moments along the way.

My challenge for myself, and my challenge for you, is to recognize and embrace those special moments. Seasons change. We will not have the chance to work remotely forever. The kids grow up quicker than we realize. Find special moments throughout the day, with your family and by yourself. Pick up the hobbies that you stopped because life got busy. Bake or play a game or do a puzzle with the kids. Whatever it looks like for you, find a way to make this season special and memorable, because this is a unique season. For me, I think it may be time to start keeping my gratitude journal again, as a way to focus on the positive aspects of life. For you, it may look different, but one thing is sure: whatever it looks like, I know that this will be a season that we will not soon forget!