Busyness. Some seasons of life are just busy, and sometimes busyness is a necessary part of life. Work, raising kids, and household tasks can result in full days. However, not all seasons are as busy as others, and some seasons of life are meant for relaxing and recovering, but if we are not careful, we can easily fill them with busyness. It is important to spend time evaluating the roll of busyness in our lives to ensure that busyness serves its appropriate place.

There are several common reasons busyness can creep into our days.

Feeling like there are more tasks than time.

For me, busyness often results from a feeling that I have more to do than time, and this is a common feeling for many mothers. For us, when summer break rolls around, we are usually ready to travel and relax. However, with a full-time job and four kids, travel then encompasses the extra time I would have to get activities accomplished. When I finally do have some time, such as this summer because of not traveling due to COVID-19, it is easy for me to find tasks to fill up each and every day: clean out and organize; deep clean; do random art and science projects with the kids that we have around the house but never seem to have time to do; purge infrequently used items; and the list goes on. For me, it is very easy to busy myself with projects, not knowing when I will have time to do those tasks again.

One thing that I must do during down times like these is create a schedule and prioritize what I truly want to do. I prioritize what I most want to get done and create a schedule that intentionally includes time with my husband and children; time for journaling, reading, and self-reflection; time for professional interests; time for projects; and time to relax. I find that if I am not intentional about some type of schedule during unstructured times, one of two things happen: I get to the end of summer and have accomplished nothing on my to-do list or I get to the end of summer and feel like I didn’t allow myself to relax or be refreshed before starting work again in the fall. Both feelings are extremely frustrating, so flexible schedules, including intentionally scheduling fun days/activities help me stay on track, preventing me from either completing checking out and accomplishing nothing or surrounding myself with projects and busyness because I am unsure when I will have the chance again. I also intentionally remind myself that life comes in seasons, and there will be other slow seasons, so I don’t have to accomplish everything in 60 days! If I don’t go through the storage totes this summer, I may have some time over Christmas or Spring Break, or if not, I may have time in two years. Regardless, it will be okay.

Avoiding Emotions

There is another common issue that can lead to extreme busyness. Sometimes busyness can be a sign that we are avoiding emotions on a deeper level. Some people are secretly afraid of being alone with themselves without the television on or something with which to busy themselves. Other times people use busyness to ignore pain buried in their hearts, and “push through” finding one task after another so they do not have to experience the feelings associated with past hurts.

Athletes know that sometimes pushing through pain is a good thing. Some pain builds muscle and strength. However, athletes must also learn the difference between helpful and unhelpful pain, as because certain pain can indicate a broken bone, a muscle tear, or a serious issue. Pushing through that kind of pain can make an injury worse. The same is true of our emotional life: there are times when difficult things happen and we must push through the emotional pain to survive. Sometimes seasons of life are hard and we have to push through. However, there are also seasons in life where we must allow ourselves to reflect and face the pain of the difficult seasons, whether that looks like journaling, drawing, praying, talking to a counselor, or crying with a friend. When truly painful circumstances happen, continuing to push through that pain causes further damage inside of us, just like pushing through pain after breaking a bone. Unresolved emotional pain leads to bitterness, anger, and emotional numbness.

We must allow ourselves to face and process our pain, asking God to show us where He was in the midst of our most painful experiences. We must also allow ourselves to grieve our disappointed desires because disappointed desires often lead to emotional pain. When we avoid emotions and emotional pain, we often become “human doings” rather than “human beings.” Forgetting how to be, we surround ourselves with busyness and grow further and further away from our true selves. We distance ourselves from the pain, but in blocking out pain, we prevent ourselves from feeling anything. Eventually, we just begin to go through the motions of living, without really living. Numb. Feeling nothing…but underneath the numbness is a broken heart with so many emotions waiting to come out. Sometimes numbness may be accompanied with anger–the “safe” and socially acceptable emotion. However, at its core, anger is a surface emotion, meaning that when anger surfaces, there is another emotion underneath that may not be “safe” for us to feel: hurt, betrayal, brokenness, failure.

Finding our identity in our children

Another issue that leads to busyness is a desire to have very involved children. Often this begins as a desire to have well-rounded children. However, as the activities begin to encompass every waking moment, many find that they have a hard time saying “no” to their children’s activities because they do not want to deprive them of opportunities. Other parents want their children to have all of the experiences they had or experiences that they were never able to have. In these instances, the parents’ identities become more and more wrapped around their children’s successes and failures or the activities in which they are involved.

From time to time, we must evaluate the time we are devoting to our kids’ activities. Did I enroll Sally in cheerleading because I always wanted to be a cheerleader and was never able to be one? Am I afraid that saying “no” to Johnny will cause a meltdown that is better to be avoided? Am I living vicariously through my children? Do I feel guilty if I don’t allow my children to do all of the activities that they desire?

Sometimes both children and parents need down time. If we find that we are running from one activity to another to another, we may need to reevaluate. Perhaps the kids are at an age where they are trying to build up their college application and resume so they need to be involved in numerous activities, or perhaps the kids are in activities during times that their parents are still at work. However, during unstructured interactions and play, children learn to be creative, to relate to others, to compromise, to self-regulate, and a host of other life essentials, so it is important that they are allowed to have unstructured time to develop these skills. If busyness and activities are overtaking all downtime, prioritizing and reevaluating may be necessary.

Questions to Ask

If we find our days encompassed with busyness, it may be time to take a step back and ask ourselves some hard questions:

Do I need to be as busy as I am or am I using busyness to avoid something: emotions, relational connectedness, etc?

Do I secretly fear I may not have down time again, or at least not for a very long time?

Am I basing my worth as a parent on how many activities my kids are involved in?

Have I been through a difficult or painful season that I need to process?

Do I constantly feel numb or angry?

What is the most effective way for me to process my feelings and experiences?

Do I truly know myself or am I afraid to be alone with myself?

As we ask ourselves these questions, we may find that the answer to all of these questions is no and that we are just in a busy season. However, if we find ourselves in one busy season after another, we may need to take a step back and allow some time for self-reflection. Our feelings are a barometer to let us know what is going on inside of us, and this type of self-reflection can help us ensure that we are emotionally healthy.

Busyness is sometimes an essential part of life, but balance and emotional well-being are a must. Self-reflection can help us ensure that busyness serves a proper place in our lives, and that our busyness does not stem from a faulty belief system or emotions that we are not allowing ourselves to face. These types of self check-ins can help us live more balanced, fulfilled, and emotionally healthy lives.